Some time ago, I saw Wang Jianshuo’s article:
In the torrent of history, how should we ensure that 20 years later, we will not become the person we hate in the history books?
Reminds me of my cowardice 22 years ago. In fact, it is not a memory, because even after so many years, I am still ashamed that I am not brave enough, so this memory will always follow me, and I will take care of it.
Maybe, I’ll write it out with less guilt?
At that time, I was in the third year of junior high school. A few months before graduation, a key high school in the city was going to come to the school for an early admissions test. One day, our classmates were dragged to the head teacher’s office one by one, and everyone came out after a few minutes. No one told me what to do when I went in. I speculated that it might be a high school interview or something.
After a while it was my turn. When I entered, I saw a long table with two teachers sitting side by side. It’s not an interview, the teacher went straight to the topic without saying a few words:
“Do you know who is a repeater in your class?”
I didn’t expect this question at all, I was stunned for a while, and then the other party said:
“If you know who is a repeat student, you need to tell us, and we will focus on it when we admit it.”
Seeing that I didn’t quite understand it, he continued to explain:
“For example, the admission score for repeating students should be higher, because we want to recruit talented people, not to improve their scores through repeating. This will also benefit your freshmen.”
At this time, I understood, and at the same time, there were two little people talking in my heart:
- Little Red Man: It should be said, there is indeed a repeater in our class. The teacher tells you to say it. It’s good for us not to repeat it.
- Little Green Man: Why do you say that this is not good for repeat students, and it is not fair, why should it be more difficult to admit students after repeating one year?
- Little Red Man: You and this person are not really good friends, just ordinary classmates. Tell the teacher that there will be no problem
- Little Green Man: Although I’m not a friend, I’m a classmate. It’s none of my business for others to repeat my studies. Why should I block people?
- Little Red Man: Tell the teacher that it doesn’t matter if you don’t say anything about yourself and others don’t know
- Little Green Man: Although I don’t know, I always feel that I shouldn’t do it. It’s like a whistleblower, and people are watching.
These two villains kept arguing in my heart, and I remember my face was hot. I don’t want to say it, I always feel that something must be wrong in my heart, but it seems politically correct to say it, especially when I am facing the authoritative role of two teachers, after all, for my age, the teacher’s instructions are cannot be questioned.
I ended up not being brave enough to say the name of the repeater. Those short two or three minutes seemed like a long time to me.
When I turned around and was about to leave the office, I found a girl in line leaning against the window, looking into the office. I’m not sure if she heard my answer, but I must have walked out of the office with a blushing face.
Although it has been so long, I still remember it so clearly. I remember the look of the female classmate by the window, and the appearance of the classmate I denounced. He and I were both admitted to that key high school, and we didn’t have any interaction after that.
In the end, it didn’t actually affect him, and it also relieved some of my guilt. Although these past events will not cause psychological trauma, they will occasionally jump out to “harass” themselves.
I sometimes wonder if this is just a strange dream I had, or an imagining of mine?
Why does something so strange happen now that these teachers take turns asking students individually, what percentage of the people in our class will report this classmate? And with such wording, how would the repeater feel when asked? How will he answer? Will he admit that he is a repeater? If you don’t admit it, you’re lying. If you admit it, you need to be as brave as I do.
I don’t know about these…
I just realized that the world is so malicious sometimes. Some repeat students even changed their names for this reason. It seems so absurd now that repeating a year seems to have done something terrible and should be treated differently.
I’m not quite sure what is going on at the beginning of the year. For the college entrance examination, there may be no more discrimination against repeat students, but similar discrimination is everywhere in society, such as discrimination in the first degree. Our society seems to have a tolerance for “off the track”. It’s very small. For example, if you go to work for a year to recuperate, problems will follow. If you look for a job, you will face the soul torture of where you have gone.
this is not normal…
When I was in college, I saw the movie “Smell the Fragrance and Know a Woman” and was deeply shocked. Charlie is an ordinary middle school student who witnesses a prank but doesn’t want to betray his friends, so he faces a difficult multiple-choice question – either confess or get kicked out of school.
Charlie hesitated to tell the prankster. He received threats or bribes from others. He even found out that his classmates had betrayed him in advance. He seemed to have enough reasons to speak out.
But there is still a voice inside saying that this is not right. Fortunately, he met the retired officer named Sphalan. Although he was blind and decadent, he was as bright as a mirror:
It’s just some things you just can’t do.
You’re gonna have a tough time in this world, Charlie.
With Sfalan’s encouragement and help, Charlie bravely chose the right path, and he didn’t tell the truth. Officer Sphalanx finally gave Charlie’s defense deafening:
Now that I am at a crossroads in my life, I always know which way is right, without exception, I know, but I never take it. Any idea why? Because it’s so fucking hard.
And Charlie, he also came to a crossroads. He has chosen the right path, the right path, full of principles, the path to individuality, let him continue his journey. His future is in your hands, gentlemen. Definitely a worthwhile future, trust me, don’t ruin it, protect it, support it. You’ll be very proud one day, I promise.
Decades ago, and now during this pandemic, under certain absurd rules, there would be special moments of inner struggle. This is when Stevenson’s novel “Dr. Incarnate” writes, everyone There is an evil “Mr. Hyde” and a good “Dr. Jekyll” in your heart. At this moment, you quarrel in your heart, and the pulling of the two characters makes your personality complicated.
Following the masses, mechanical obedience, and choosing the best are instinctive, but following one’s own conscience requires great courage. Luo Xiang said: ” Among all the virtues of human beings, bravery is the most scarce. When the god of fate pushes you to the moment of bravery, I hope you can be as brave as you imagined .”
Hopefully, during these special times, we can protect our inner temple from leaving a lasting scar like mine.
mutual encouragement!
This article is reproduced from: http://catcoding.me/p/brave/
This site is for inclusion only, and the copyright belongs to the original author.