Original link: https://onojyun.com/2022/07/04/6253/
△ 185｜Sand Pile
Downstairs there are children building sand, and two little boys build their own castles in a one-meter-square sandpit, which reminds me of an interesting thing. There’s nothing fun about it, or even the shadows of many people’s childhoods, but the fun of it is that you can always get a boring face in your mind through this kind of story.
When I was a child, I liked to play with sand, and built all kinds of buildings on the sand, because this “ability” was very popular among other children. Since it is a “popular ability”, it will naturally be criticized and envied by other people. Inexplicably, all the other groups of kids who were in a group had become this detachment of sand and I formed a confrontation that no one was going to publicly state—and in that confrontation there were many treaties that everyone had to stick to.
For example, if they occupied the bunker early to start the game, then I have to give up playing in the bunker; if we occupied the bunker early and built the castle, then they basically would not choose to enter the bunker, instead , our relationship would go into something like a pre-programmed routine: they would start forming another gaming team and invite the kids I was playing with in the sand. Because they acquiesced that I was not allowed to join their game session – because I tried, I thought it was an “invitation”, but every time they came to me, they would refuse with the excuse of “full” my join. Fortunately, I am a person of interest, so I did not fall for it again and again.
If most of the children who play with me in the sand pile are called away by them, then the program will end here, because the purpose has been achieved; if it happens that day, the children are not willing to play those crazy games with this group of older children. , they will change the rules of the game at any time and do not allow unspecified people to win the game, they will stay in the sand pile, and then they will enter the next part of the program – they will also play in the sand pile, but only if The condition is that they will draw a “three-eighth line” in the sand, indicating that each group has its own territory, and the other group is not allowed to violate the others.
When two groups of people play sand in a crowded sand pit, there will inevitably be “special circumstances” – but such “special circumstances” occur too many times, and they are not so special – because basically they are different. The children in the group will use various excuses to accidentally step into my “territory”, and then “just” destroy the sand pile I worked so hard to build under various “accidental” situations. . At first I assumed they were just “accidental”, but over time I knew why, because it was about to become another new “conformity” between us that I had to make way for all their entertainment.
Once I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I tried to reason with them—of course, this kind of “theory” requires certain preconditions. For example, not only were there children younger than them around me, but I had “foreign aid” at the time. , and their age is similar to them, which is the key to avoid serious conflict between the two sides. Seeing that I protested, the conflict between the two sides intensified. Thinking about it now, that group of fifth- and sixth-grade children are also cowards, and I’m glad they didn’t violence against me at the moment. They did something that looked like “Yong” but was childish. They urinated in the sand and left a sentence “We can’t play, you don’t want to play either” . Later, I didn’t like to go to that sand dump very much. This kind of non-interference pact has lost its own utility in front of the three pissed boys. If we insist on the so-called “sovereignty” , which is bound to bring only worse consequences.
Sure enough, when I went out and came back downstairs in front of the sand pile where the two children played, a little boy cried while looking at the two sand pile buildings in the sand pit that were deliberately trampled down, while the other was playing with him. The boy in the sand pile has long since disappeared.
Some time ago, in “Bullying That Does Not Exist” , I actually had an unfinished thought – I should have experienced this kind of “bullying” more or less when I was a child, but I always used “counseling”. ” way to avoid more intense conflicts with others. Just like the sandpit that was “ceded” out, the last sandpile is no longer played. In order to avoid another conflict, I deliberately stopped going; and the three elementary school students who were even 7 or 8 years old were disgusted by dogs, proud of having urinated in the sandpit, and began to laugh at those who continued to play in the sandpit. Sand’s (of course younger than himself) child.
After I became an adult, I hated the children who were 7 or 8-year-old dogs, and instinctively wanted to stay away from them. Is it the “psychological shadow” left at that time? When I was a student, although I wasn’t the one who was bullied, I certainly didn’t belong to the one who bullied others. But I didn’t interfere too much on both sides, I didn’t have any empathy for the classmates who were bullied, and of course I didn’t have any “Stockholm syndrome” for those who bullied others. But there is one type of people that I will pay special attention to, those who were originally bullied, but ended up bullying others. This kind of setting like the protagonist of a cool drama is somewhat empathetic. I have a good relationship with people like this. Although I don’t explicitly support them to bully others, I think this is a “means of survival”, and they need to survive under such rules of the game. In the dark, they can empathize with the bullied who are as humble and weak as their past selves, and rush to the bully who is stronger and more controlling, but on the surface they can’t have anything to the bullied. “Empathy”, in order to separate themselves and bury the past, they must oppose these weak people, even if they have a painful empathy and understanding in their hearts, they must be more cruel to the weak to obliterate the inner production. Empathy – such a contradiction is what makes people most “fascinated”.
Later, when I became an adult, I met the boys in the family home who used to be a dog at the age of seven or eight. They are now middle-aged and should start a new life – but otherwise, they seem to be still doing the same thing. The kind of people who are humble and cowardly in front of the strong, paralyze themselves in the way of Stockholm Syndrome, and want to gain that enviable “authority”; in front of the weak, they have already felt the same way, because they were like this back then Through the method of revenge transmission, he avoids making himself the target of bullying, but he has to show contempt for the weak, trying to prove that he is not such a coward in this way.
The dignity of these people is just like the “three-eighth line” used in the sand pit to separate others from clamoring for sovereignty. Its existence is indeed obvious, but it cannot withstand a shower of urine.
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