Original link: https://onojyun.com/2022/08/07/6496/
△ 219｜Effective and ineffective social interaction
I used to know a friend who would arrange “topics” for the couple’s relationship. To put it simply, the topics that will be discussed at the weekend will be announced every Monday, and then two people can use the events of the next week to collect information, prepare content, or learn a new field, or learn to understand a The new concept is that when they are at home on weekends, the two exchange views and opinions on this topic-the so-called finding common topics in their romantic relationship, and also promote the relationship between the two.
I’m undecided about this method, after all, it’s like a shot in the arm, at least it can find a common topic for two people who have no topic in the way of task. I don’t know how they talk each time. People who propose this method feel that they have found a way to maintain their relationship, and they can also stand in the perspective of God to prove that they have helped the other person learn more; people who follow this method, think about these topics and do not suffer. Anyway, it is a kind of That’s all, he just needs to cooperate with the other party’s performance, express his admiration for the other party’s advanced topics, and express his admiration for the other party’s understanding.
In fact, it is not difficult to understand. Since it is a preset “topic”, there is an expectation for “predetermined results” in itself. For example, whether the other party has paid attention to this “topic”, it has been a week, but the other party has not fully prepared for the content of the conversation between the two people, can it also be converted into “the other party does not have too much feelings for the two people.” mind”. Furthermore, the person who raised the “topic” only found a familiar topic within the scope of his own knowledge – especially if the person who raised the question is a person who refuses to admit defeat, and everything needs to be debated on right and wrong. , it is even more impossible for him to choose topics from his unknown field, lest he “lose” the game.
Even if he raises the “unknown area”, he will face the next test – how different can two people’s views on the same thing be? Some analysis may even point to the inconsistency of the three views of the two people, and even irreconcilable contradictions in principle. So how to bring up “topics” is also a matter of knowledge. Even if the parties already know that it is impossible to talk about the three views of each other, they still try to find “common topics”, so that their feelings seem to have a tacit understanding.
So is this kind of social interaction considered “effective social interaction”? Or, is this just a Yuxing show for a control freak who controls emotions?
When I was 26 or 7 years old, I suddenly set the concept of “effective socialization” in my schedule. Simply put, it is whether the feedback from a social interaction is positive.
Negative socializing consumes my energy, trying to show extreme restraint and full performance to a specific object, all of which disgusts me, and often such a socialization will require me to spend three or four days alone. cool down. Positive socialization is the opposite. The information it receives and the thoughts exchanged may be dozens of times that of negative socialization, but it will keep me excited and happy after it ends, most directly reflected in inspiration.
I have been a listener since I was a child. Of course, most of the time, this “listener” identity is not what I am willing to act as, but there are too many “talkers” around me who need my cooperation. They don’t need occasion, don’t know physiognomy, and don’t care about other people’s sense of boundaries, and they aggressively show the positivity they need to be the center of attention, or appear in any space that intersects with it, and take away the right to speak. I have never had the right to “say no”, and I have been forced to listen to meaningless shows, cooperate with performances that are not allowed to tear my face, and endure the noise of arguments and sophistry. Until I told myself to split the social interaction into “effective” and “ineffective”, and not to be “responsible” for every social interaction, so I had my performance – I performed myself very well without consuming energy. Cheers, ah yes yes you are right oh my god you are so awesome I didn’t think of that. What’s more, I don’t even bother to talk now, even listening is just pretending, the process of pretending is the time I can imagine to the universe – after all, in effective social interaction, we can also learn from the inside. The uterus talks to outer space.
The interesting thing about “effective socialization” is that it can’t be programmed. You can act as an “exporter” and constantly express your thoughts, but the other party will not confront you because of different ideas; of course, you can also You can act as a “listener”. When the other party is an output party of content, you do not need to cooperate with the performance, but to collide with the spark of thought in your own mind from the output of the other party.
Being able to talk is as important as being able to eat together, just like many couples are strangers, because from the beginning they were just performing with each other’s self-esteem, and in the end they no longer respect each other’s right to speak, they Knowing each other’s robbers’ logic well, half a pot of water clanked and became complacent.
When one day, you can no longer see that beam of light in his excited eyes because of an interesting topic, then you can no longer refract it into his heart.
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