Original link: https://onojyun.com/2022/09/07/6909/
△ 250｜1/2
Writing the 250th article means that the new round of 500-day writing plan that has been started inexplicably has been half completed. But this matter itself does not have much sense of ritual. From the beginning, I preset all kinds of excuses for suddenly not being able to persist. As a result, after forming a habit, it is not difficult to publish an article every day.
Because I am an insider myself, I cannot analyze the difference between my two 500-day writings from an objective point of view. Since the first article of the year, I’ve fallen into a strange “self-doubt” because no matter how “tryed” I can, I can’t write in my old style. I regard this process as the death of a certain “personality” , and then die together, perhaps there is also the so-called “reiki” during creation, because there is no exact standard for all of this, and it can’t even be touched by me Yes, but I “can’t write”, do you really think that I no longer have that talent?
The first time I expressed my desire to “I want to be a writer” to my family when I was a child, I was unfortunately not encouraged and praised because the word “writer” couldn’t possibly mean anything like my so-called ability to write. The above standard, it is even less likely that a certain test can be qualified. After that time, I never mentioned my dream of becoming a “writer” again. For them, my silence and no more mentions are like a certain kind of “disorder and correction” that must be experienced in the process of growing up. One day, I will be corrected on the right track and strive to become them. “That kind of person” who keeps claiming that he will not interfere, but also presets the trajectory.
During my student days, I had a handwritten collection of novels that contained all kinds of strange novels. I hid it so well at first that almost no one knew it existed. Of course, it really started having fun when I found out that it was “peeked”. Because I know that some people are trying to understand my true thoughts by peeking at the “diary”, so those stories that look like diaries have plots and functions. Those who peeked at them were set by me. Leading by the nose, I made them suspect that I was sick in my heart, but I couldn’t tell Daoming how they discovered “sickness” in this way. Played this game for a long time until they lost the “peeking” fun too and realized it was something I put out on purpose for them to blatantly check.
When my family realized that I didn’t seem to have given up on that naive “writer” dream, they didn’t bother to care anymore. I also have to thank them for their “lazy care”, at least they didn’t use those violent repressive methods to force me to stop writing and thinking (of course, they also expressed very serious concerns, the kind of violence I showed in the novel, Does the darkness really point to a sickness in my heart).
But in the past few years, even if no one stopped me, I probably started to “correct” this unrealistic dream by myself. Before I started “△”, I was always in self-doubt, and I always felt that I had exhausted the quota of inspiration, and it was impossible to continue writing. That’s why at the beginning of this five-hundred-day writing, I gave myself all kinds of “ready” excuses.
After working hard and persevering for a while, I found that I couldn’t get back the feeling I had when I wrote the last five hundred days, so I had to bite the bullet and write, and I didn’t expect to write half of the interval. This should be the inspiration after the age of 30. They become more real, bloody, and sometimes even relying on their 30s to stand up, turning out old people and things and talking about “experiences that can be summarized for young people” “.
Depending on my age, “writing” itself is quite fun. It is possible to explain the obvious truths in a cloudy manner, to understand what can be done well, and to do what can be done without needing to understand; it is also possible to explain clearly the “experience of people who have come here” that should clearly be told to young people. , the condescending appearance is extremely annoying, and as a result, people are too lazy to listen to these big truths.
Time is a one-way existence, and very few people will suddenly and accurately predict that “one-half of their life has passed” at a certain node, unless you already know exactly when you will go west. But the fun of five hundred days of writing is that you already know where it ends, so you can find exactly one half of this moment, but you never guess when that moment comes, you get it again What kind of cognition and what different ideas and thinking.
But on the other hand, if when a person clearly knows when he will die, the result of the step-by-step approach and the irreversible 1/2 appear, is he really prepared to let his life Live as you wish?
It’s a pity that he can’t do it, so this kind of contradiction brings the joy of life. Just like my handwritten novel, its existence is given value when I know that it becomes a kind of “evidence” to be peeped, and the progress of each chapter of it needs to be a rehearsal the ending service. Like fiction, those complicated plots are only for one climax that is most advanced to that key point. If they are separated, the story will be boring.
I should still be able to persevere. Although I don’t know the value of these leftovers, when the five hundred days are really completed, and reading them back is another proof of a one-way life that cannot be turned back. , which is the value of their existence.
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