Original link: https://fourhappylions.com/posts/preschoolers-new-trends/
Life is such an exciting thing—not that with a new kid, the old kid is as docile as old clothes. In fact, Mk-I, as our first child, TA’s big adventure continues, and there are some new trends that make me feel at a loss.
Bullying? #
I can’t believe that as a parent of a child who hasn’t been to Kindergarten yet, I have to deal with such a high-end boss.
As far as the nature of the incident itself is concerned, it cannot be said to be bullying in the strict sense. After all, children of this age, as I assume, cannot yet systematically disgust other peers. Thank goodness for that.
Here’s the thing. A few months ago, Preschooler moved into the school’s largest preschool age group. The age group of this class is relatively wide, including children who are waiting to be able to attend K in September, and children like Mk-I who were almost 4 years old at the time. Under such circumstances, the age difference between the oldest (over 5 but under 6 years old) and the youngest (under 4 years old) children can reach up to nearly 2 years, that is, the difference in life experience is 1/2. After Mk-I entered the class for a few weeks as the most junior person, a different phenomenon gradually appeared. On a Monday, he said that he really didn’t want to go to school. When he picked him up one afternoon, he found him squatting in the corner with his knees in his arms. When he saw me pick him up, he burst into tears, saying that I picked him up too late. But I don’t know why, and I don’t particularly care about it.
A few weeks later, Mk-I revealed with a distressed expression that two children in the class said that the paintings he drew were stinky, the food he ate was sour, and he overturned another child’s small tricycle—and this kind of thing actually happened often. At this time, Colin and I asked carefully, and found out that the two children who did this were of Chinese descent (let’s call them “Daiyu” and “Baochai”), and the one targeted, apart from the Mk-I who was also of Chinese origin, was also the Chinese “Baoyu” who was pushed over the tricycle. That is to say, what Mk-I and Baoyu have in common is that apart from being able to speak Mandarin, they are also the youngest in the class, their English proficiency is not much different from that of non-Asian children, and they belong to their own school of personality (should they be called their own way?). Indeed, the Chinese children in the class are not just Mk-I and Baoyu, they just pick up soft persimmons and pinch them on their heads.
No wonder Mk-I suddenly came to me two weeks ago to ask me why I speak English at school and Mandarin at home. It’s probably because Bao and Dai also spoke Mandarin to each other at school, which broke the stereotype that Mk-I must speak English at school. After all, Mk-I was sent to school in 7 and a half months. So Daiyu and Baochai don’t play with other non-Asian children, probably because they don’t want to speak English at school because of each other.
At the same time, I learned two facts that made things slightly more complicated. First, because Baoyu had already returned to China during the summer vacation and would stay in China for more than 2 months, Mk-I had to face Bao and Dai alone; second, Daiyu’s mother was also a teacher in the same school, although she was not in the same class as Daiyu.
Of course I was very angry when I first heard about it. Thinking of all the annoying things I experienced when I was a child, I became emotional and even wanted to teach Mk-I a few sets of Mandarin rhetoric (I was stopped by Mr. Colin, the real adult in the family. The reason was that it was time to repay the grievances, but I think the real reason may be that he felt that the adult himself was too low B), and I wanted to talk to the teacher in the class. However, Mk-I revealed to Colin that it was originally the teacher who asked Mk-I to get along with Bao Dai, because Mk-I is bilingual.
… Alas, the trouble is dead.
Although I used to feel angrily that Bao Dai’s parents did not educate their children well, but when I think of the foreign students who just came to the United States, including my past self, they also have poor English and lack of confidence.
I recalled that I used to have two weapons when I was young. In elementary school, I used fists and kicks. When I counterattacked once, the opponent was frightened. Maybe it was because I had never seen a girl hit someone. I don’t know why I often got lucky in exams when I was in junior high school. But these two weapons are not transferrable, not suitable for the current Mk-I. The final decision I came up with was to teach Mk-I some coping methods – say “stop talking to me like that” loudly, and avoid Bao Dai when they are free. Although we don’t know if Mk-I has really practiced these two methods in school.
Later, we didn’t go to the teacher in charge of the class, and we didn’t have the chance to meet Daiyu’s mother at school, so we didn’t tell the school people about this concern. There are several reasons –
- The first is that this kind of bad things will happen in the future, so we must first help Mk-I learn to deal with it by ourselves, and observe whether there is any improvement after the measures taken by Mk-I;
- The second is that only Colin has met the teacher in charge of the class, and Colin is not familiar with the teacher; of course, even if I meet Daiyu’s mother face to face, I will not recognize her, because I am face blind, even if I have a face-to-face once or twice, I still can’t remember what she looks like;
- The third is that Mk-I has limited ability to express. What TA said may be exaggerated, at least not comprehensive, and cannot be used as evidence when accusing others.
Just like this, I carefully inquired about the situation of Mk-I. After one day, two days, one week, two weeks…
Now, more than two months later, Bao Dai’s English ability seems to have improved. The current Mk-I will also mention from time to time that he was told by Chinese children such as Daiyu, Miaoyu, and Xiangyun that “shoes are sticky” and so on. However, when school is over, I will hug them and say goodbye to them. Baoyu also went back to school, she seemed to be tanned and taller, I don’t know if it was my illusion.
Anyway, let’s do this first.
Parents at school #
Mk-I started from the age of three, and we found that when a child celebrates his birthday, he will send a goodie bag to all other children in the class, which contains some gadgets bought at the dollar store-ribbons, stickers, gashapons, and small balls. Based on the principle that more things are worse than less things, we used to be too lazy to do this. It wasn’t until Mk-I reflected that Bao Dai said that TA “has no birthday”, I made up my mind to fight for Mk-I. So some time ago, we prepared a birthday goodie bag for Mk-I for the first time. Although this goodie bag was not distributed on the birthday, it is better than nothing. In short, this is the first time I went to Daiso to buy some stickers and stamps, which can be regarded as a kind of introduction. Not only Mk-I is very proud, but I also feel very relieved.
In fact, being a parent also requires learning. Although we didn’t learn quickly, we have now learned how to give teachers chocolate + notes on Valentine’s Day and gift cards to teachers on Thanksgiving Day. However, depending on the age of the child, parents need to do different things; when they are zero and one years old, it is enough to give the teacher a small gift during the holidays; well.
It is also worth mentioning that when Mk-I grows up to this age, the school begins to teach a little manual work. Thanks to this gift, Mk-I also started to do handicrafts at home, so the parents had to provide guidance, which led me, a handicapped party, to pick up the art scissors that I hadn’t touched since I was ten years old. How should I put it, unexpectedly healed a bit. I made a paper lantern during the Spring Festival, and recently folded some fans, windmills, and origami cranes together with Mk-I (the so-called “together”, of course, is that I am making paper while Mk-I is messing around), hang it above the diaper table to make a mobile, and show it to Mk-II. Going back further, Mk-I actually made dumplings by itself. Looking at it this way, it seems that we as parents are not completely paddling…
Interest class #
Because I have been concerned about what happened in daycare for a few days, I made a new discovery, that is, at the age of Mk-I, there are children who are in an interest class. One day, I picked up Mk-I from school and found that a little girl in the same class was wearing that kind of tight dance skirt, so I mustered up the courage to pretend to be relaxed and asked the parents where the class was. That’s it, I admire it very much, this parent has great wisdom, because——
Being close to home is king! ! (This is “Slam Dunk”, which has been a hit recently.)
But I’m not really interested in this kid’s project—this is another paradox, parents will only pay for things they are interested in, and the kid involved has no right to decide. In short, what kind of interest class to attend? This kind of information seems to have come from the WeChat group of the nearby Chinese neighbors. However, because I was too scared, I didn’t know anyone or know what group, so I pulled up a spreadsheet like I did when I was investigating which daycare I should send Mk-I to.
…How should I put it, the first thing I hate is that no matter what the interest class is, the time is basically in the middle of the week, and it is 2-5 pm in the middle of the week. This is extremely unfriendly to social animals. Of course, there are occasional weekend classes, and they are all filled up quickly.
The second annoying thing is that it is too far away from home. My family lives in a bear-infested village. Although it is not rural, it takes 20 minutes to drive to buy groceries. So I usually don’t go out unless necessary, and hide in a small building to form a unified system. As long as there is Internet, it’s different everywhere. Originally, it was a dispensable thing in the hobby class, so why go all the way out.
As for the third reason, it is even more depressing. What is the point of spending energy and $$ on the interest class? For example, when I heard from Mk-I that Miaoyu in the class went to Chinese School every Saturday, I guessed that the parents must be willing to socialize with other Chinese parents in the name of learning Chinese. Otherwise, Chinese reading and writing (in the United States) is a useless and difficult skill, so why would anyone want to learn it. As for the consideration of utilitarianism, it has something to do with how much the interest class keeps up with the university. However, competitive sports/music is actually a test for parents. Regardless of the children, first of all, it is impossible for me to quit my job and run around day after day to take it to classes, training and competitions. What’s more, I actually don’t have a sports/music project that I am proficient in. Certainly not the willpower to overcome self-doubt and persevere for years. (Would I still be where I am today!) Above this is the talent of a child. I find this painful and boring. (However, there is nothing first in literature and no second in martial arts. Since I am too lazy to compete in martial arts, it may be okay to engage in some non-competitive projects, such as being a carpenter or opening a YouTube Channel.) But this is a later story. After all, at the age of Mk-I, I have been arranged to take dance lessons on Saturdays and electronic piano lessons on Sundays. . . Looking back, I don’t think it will be of any help to my future life. That is not from a utilitarian point of view. Asking children if they are happy soon, anyway, I didn’t feel happy back then, I was just being taken over again and again.
In short, if you want to take a hobby class, the first conditions now are: close to home, save money, and be interesting. Based on this principle, Mk-I and I went to visit/trial two courses, theater and gymnastics. As a result, everyone seems to be just playing casually – after all, they are people who have not yet entered elementary school, their attention cannot be regarded as concentration, and their comprehension is very limited. In my eyes, it is simply getting twice the result with half the effort. So Colin , the real adult in the family, spoke again, advocating that it would be better to start at least in elementary school, because at that time I was older, and because school ended early, I could also send it to interest classes in the middle of the week.
This is not unreasonable, procrastination is also a choice, escape is shameful but useful . Anyway, I have found a rule since raising children, that is, as long as the child is not ready, it is useless for the parents to push; once the child is ready to do something, the parents can’t stop it. Although Mk-I talks about taking classes with friends every day, most likely he just likes to wear fancy clothes for cosplay.
…Speaking of which, I remembered that our neighbor has a Chinese family with a northern accent. Some time ago, I heard a bout of youthful piano practice, and once it was accompanied by a high-volume reprimand. Alas, life is already so difficult, and there are still too many things I want to do, so why bother with myself.
fake cry #
When the Mk-II was three months old, the Mk-I became very, very difficult to carry. I would cry if there was no yesterday’s meat for lunch, and I would cry when I walked down the stairs together faster than her. And that kind of crying sound is much harsher than the monotonous sound of Mk-II in a certain sense. People who don’t know it will think that they have been greatly wronged. I really have nothing to do about this, and I don’t know the reason. Is it because he finally realized that the status of Mk-II at home conflicts with himself, and he wants to show his sense of existence to his parents, or has he experienced the above-mentioned sophistication at school and accumulated too many negative emotions? The most powerful one is this timeline:
- I cried because I was 10 seconds late listening to the song at noon on Sunday
- I cried because I didn’t want to take a bath on Sunday night (this is very inexplicable, since TA was born 10 days ago, I have been taking a bath every night, so what does it mean that I don’t want to take a bath today out of thin air)
- Monday morning crying for not wanting to freshen up (ditto)
- Come home from school on a Monday afternoon and cry because there are no clothes hanging on the usual racks
There are 10,000 dissatisfaction every time at home. This is much more difficult than when TA was in terrible two. Although Terrible two has a lot of requirements, at least IQ was limited at the time, and you can still get by with a handful of mud; now TA can point out the logical loopholes in your words, which is very embarrassing…
Another troublesome phenomenon is that when listening to the cry of Mk-I, Mk-II will be infected and start crying intermittently. I am not unfamiliar with this phenomenon (I discovered it when I was a child in the Children’s Hospital), but I never thought that the Mk-II would be able to echo other people’s cries when it was less than 100 days old. Human babies are surprisingly very advanced in terms of emotions. But the consequence of this phenomenon is that when the Mk-I cries, two parents must be dispatched at the same time, and one person can coax a child.
So Colin, as the main line-up with Mk-I, blew his beard and stared, and went crazy several times. Mk-I is still the same as before, and I will still cry next time I have a trigger. I had no choice but to ask TA why Mk-I was in a good mood, and told TA that it was embarrassing for us to do so.
Turns out… no bird use. Like most events in this world, there’s nothing you can do about it! In the end, I survived by dying for half a month, waiting for TA to control her emotions. Yay .
As for the rivalry with the Mk-II, surprisingly that didn’t happen. It’s just that if two adults are engaging with Mk-II in front of Mk-I, Mk-I will feel very lonely. And this is generally rare. One of them was when taking a photo of Mk-II’s ID, one person needed to take a photo, and one person had to tease Mk-II to look at the camera. At this time, Mk-I made a voice of “I’m so pitiful”. The other time was Mk-I eating complementary food for the first time, one person was feeding, and one person was on the side trying to reduce the impact of the messiness disaster…
dead #
I don’t think Mk-I can understand some abstract concepts at this age, but it seems that TA should not be underestimated. For example, since I babbled to him about what death is, and was forced to add the ruthless fact that “mom and dad will die, and he himself will die (but it will probably happen a long time later)” under his questioning, he seems to have more of a philosopher’s temperament…
The weather is hot recently, so I took Mk-I to the lake in the park to wade in the water. Fortunately, I also personally went into the water and held TA’s hand, so that I could pull TA up in time when TA fell in the knee-deep water. After coughing out the choked water, Mk-I regained his composure and burst into tears (I laughed unkindly, people with little experience in life are indeed so dramatic in everything), and cried for almost 10 minutes before saying seriously, “I might die.” And then refused to go to the lake again 
.
Once eating scallops, Mk-I asked a question “Why do we eat dead shells”, probably finally realizing that all the meat TA eats comes from dead animals. He even pointed to the rice cake on the table and asked, “Is this rice cake dead too?” (Hahaha) In short, when I was worried that the first vegetarian might appear in my family, TA continued to happily eat chicken legs…
Episode 3 of “Gargantia of the Emerald Star”.
Other #
Now that there is a “pack of people” at home (<– since Wutiaoren , the quantifiers for counting people are getting weirder and weirder), the friction of traveling has increased a lot. Even though the Mk-II has barely slept through the night (currently at 7-8 hours) and gave us some breath, I don’t expect to travel until TA is 3 years old.
Some time ago, I had a few rounds of WeChat exchanges with a girl I hadn’t been in contact with for many years (thanks to the other party for not thinking that I was here to scam MLM), but after a few rounds, I couldn’t continue the conversation. I had no choice but to retreat consciously. After all, I was in such a situation. No matter how I enlightened me, it was like standing and talking without pain in my back. Of course, I really want to complain to this post about the milk I fed at 2, 3, and 4 in the morning, or the guilt I feel when I see TA’s bewildered expression after yelling at the child after an emotional breakdown, but I probably won’t get any understanding. In my opinion, Fa Xiaoming’s life is very nourishing. Leaving aside work, education, money and other hardware, TA’s two major hobbies are growing and cooking vegetables. Isn’t it cool that food can be grown from scratch to served on the table. Coupled with two or three side jobs/occasional jobs that come with a little money, as well as various fitness and travel, I am very envious of having no time to be myself. In short, although I already have Mk-I and Mk-II now, I can’t even give a satisfactory answer to what is the purpose of raising children. It consumes both energy and money, and all the precious youth is spent on it. In the end, there is not even a waste. If you want to say, maybe you can get some life memories? But various interests and hobbies are also very precious memories. In any case, this life can only be lived once, but Fa Xiao and I are unknowingly envious of what we don’t have, which is also very ironic.
This article is transferred from: https://fourhappylions.com/posts/preschoolers-new-trends/
This site is only for collection, and the copyright belongs to the original author.