Original link: https://onojyun.com/2022/05/31/6155/
△ 151｜All my life, I just want to wait for an apology
The “I” in the title of course does not refer to me, but to most Chinese people. I have written a lot about the topic of “apology” before. I chatted with a friend yesterday, and he pushed the topic of “apology” to a climax. Apologize”.
The story goes something like this: a person did not get the “love” he deserved from his parents since he was a child. After he became an adult, the means his mother used to him was still the means of suppressing, denying, and defining all mother goddesses. He couldn’t get real recognition and encouragement from his mother, and he tried to “fuck” his mother again, trying to use this method to calm things down and avoid deeper conflicts with his mother. But his mother didn’t think there was anything wrong with her behavior, so he broke out suddenly and decided to wait for his mother to say sorry to himself no matter what, since childhood, she was hurting him, that apology It was to make her realize that her so-called education over the years was wrong, and to admit that her methods and methods were hurting a person.
If you are a spectator, you don’t really have to analyze the story itself, no matter what the mother did to him, the apology he wants will never come, because if her mother really wants to apologize to her, it means that she He must deny everything about himself, his education method, his so-called love, and even the birth of this child and her union with that man.
“Then have you ever thought about a question, what can you change if you win the argument with her?”
Many Chinese native families have a very serious fact that no one can stand up to change even if they are seen by everyone – the “right and wrong” between parents and children. Because this matter can’t be made clear by right and wrong at all, but because of the juncture that needs to be solved urgently, people will care so much about the “right and wrong” between them.
The core of right and wrong is that one party must fully admit to the other party that he has done something wrong. How many families will develop into such a situation, no need to investigate to know – the vast majority of parents will not admit that they are wrong, even if they want to admit their mistakes. , it must also be accompanied by the child as the key to a certain condition trigger, which leads to repeated mistakes in the ending. Will the child take the initiative to admit mistakes? Maybe, but they were either forced, or a long-term disappointment turned into a compromise, or it could be because they made a bigger mistake and covered it up with a relatively small mistake.
Acknowledging mistakes means total denial, and this denial can be extended to all possibilities covered by authority. Once the mistake is confirmed, it becomes more difficult to establish authority later, so they will not actively admit the mistake unless they have reached an agreement on the division of responsibility with each other.
Since he won’t admit his mistakes, it’s even more impossible to say the “apology” in the true sense that he wants to wait for.
“Then this ‘sorry’ is really hard to get. In fact, it doesn’t mean that there is no need to apologize, but many regrets end with ‘forget it’. This is a way of letting go of yourself, not the other party. . Whether you live well or badly, from the moment you leave her, you are manipulating yourself.”
It’s not that Chinese people can’t apologize, but most of our apologies are because of “idealism”—I apologize not because I feel sorry, but because the time has come. I forgive you not because I forgive, but forget it. That so-called “time” came when I mistakenly thought this apology was the last thing that could change fate, at the last moment of life, at the last breath of death, before love, and after betrayal. And those who are begging for an apology from others also mistakenly believe that this “sorry” can completely get rid of their fate – pain, disability, virus left in the body, can no longer trust people’s conscience, begging Unacceptable people and things… When they realize that the apology is useless at all, will they deny everything about themselves? In the end, they can only use “then forget it” to let themselves go.
—— 《△》079｜Apologize is only the existence of idealism after all
There has always been a potential “curse” in Chinese families. The mantra is actually not complicated, that is, there are only three words “I’m sorry”, but the curse itself is very complicated and difficult to understand. These curses take completely different forms – one cannot love oneself, one cannot love others, one can never be happy, one lives forever in pain and fear, one is too desperate for marriage, A person reproduces the indifference of their parents to their children… These curses seem to be because of the parties themselves, but they all reasonably and subtly found a person to cast the curse – the original family, they feel very whimsical , as long as those who create pain for themselves say “I’m sorry” to themselves, the shackles and curses on him will be loosened, and then he can love himself as a new life or love someone who should love people.
Fuck your shit! Do you think that’s possible?
“So the topic comes back. You need to get an ending. I can tell you clearly that it is a paradox to ask her to say ‘I’m sorry’. Even if she can, she must not say that because she really wants to apologize to you. “I’m sorry”, there are many scenes where she can say sorry, but it’s not what you want, she will say it to you before dying, she will say it to you when you hit rock bottom, or she will say it to you when she encounters I say it when I’m unfortunate, but I’m not saying sorry because I’m sorry.”
That sorry can never be waited for—in fact, this group of people has always understood this truth, but what no one can say is that what they have to wait for is the “sorry” that can never be waited, because if that person really They said “I’m sorry” to them, and they would realize that those curses were cursed because they didn’t want to let them go, because even if the sorry really came, they would still be one who wouldn’t. If you love yourself, you won’t love someone else’s coward.
This article is reproduced from: https://onojyun.com/2022/05/31/6155/
This site is for inclusion only, and the copyright belongs to the original author.