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“The Art of Loving” is a book about love written by Fromm. He believes that love is an art, just like music and design, we need to learn how to appreciate and interpret it through learning. The whole book mainly discusses theory, and discusses how to practice a little bit.
In this article, I mainly want to make some discussions based on my own experience.
premise of love
Good love requires a certain amount of wisdom. It is reflected in the understanding of oneself and the understanding of others. Many people’s feelings are full of temptations, mainly because they don’t understand enough. You don’t know yourself enough, and you don’t know each other enough. Want to save face, afraid of opening up or don’t know how to communicate in depth, like to make up your own mind, hope everything develops according to your own expectations. We need to master a reasonable way to understand each other in a planned way.
When falling in love, two people should be in a relatively good state. What kind of state is considered a good state? I think it should be a state of finding what you want to do and having some good habits that you stick to every day. For example, the habit of writing, public articles can also help others understand themselves.
Relatively speaking, it is easier for people with the same energy and common experience to understand each other, and it is easier to go in both directions, so before falling in love, as Lu Xiaocao said, first study hard and accumulate energy and experience.
Here is an example about understanding: I learned about Tan Kah Kee’s architectural style in Xiamen, and the roof adopts Chinese-style designs, such as cornices. After returning to Haining, I discovered that the Neptune Building, which I had been looking at for decades, also adopted this design.
origin of love
How does love come about? At the beginning, you may be attracted by some good qualities of the other party, such as a good smile, a nice voice, smart eyes, and a sense of responsibility. Later, you may be interested in the other person’s problems, for example, he looks unhappy, or he looks depressed. Then in some interactive events, such as a eye contact, a long conversation, or a walk, the relationship continues to heat up.
love business
Love is a complex issue that requires two people to work together.
Just falling in love with someone seems to be full of freshness and passion. But after knowing enough, I will break some of my previous fantasies, and what is shown in front of me is a more real person, as if there is no freshness and passion.
A good state is that if you really like a person, you will like to explore him, not only want to see his advantages, but also his shortcomings. Not only want to see him today, but also look forward to seeing him tomorrow. Then we fall in love with the same person repeatedly.
But the reality is often that we want to transform the other party and have high expectations for the other party, but the other party failed to do so and accumulated a lot of disappointment.
Everything should go with the flow and do our best. If you really can’t manage it, you don’t have to force it.
Here is an example of ImageTrans: ImageTrans is a software I maintain, and the functions of the initial version are all designed by myself. After the launch, users continued to raise their opinions, and only then did it achieve its current maturity.
love distress
If you like someone, you will have a lot of troubles and cause internal friction. I will list one or two here:
- Tangled. It is more common in relationships where love is not available, and relationships that want to give up but want to persist.
- Possessive, jealous, overthinking, insecure. Seeing the other party with a certain opposite sex, I made up a TV series in my mind.
- Feeling unworthy. I feel that the other party is too good, and I am not worthy of him.
- Rivalry. If you ignore me, then I will ignore you. You are cold, I want to be colder than you.
love and standards
People are complex, with different families of origin, growth experiences, and personality traits. But there is still a need to have a set of standards to make requirements, and we cannot lower the standards and self-strategy because of some problems of the other party.
For example, if we require a person to have a sense of responsibility, we can have such requirements:
- If a person expresses love, it is better to give a clear reply
- Everything echoes
love and reality
There are many relationship videos between men and women on the Internet, showing different values and routines, so that we will doubt the “love” in “life is precious, love is more expensive”.
In my opinion, after understanding various values and routines, we should continue to insist on ourselves, and go down without being too idealistic.
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