Original link: https://hin.cool/posts/anlian.html
Before I started to have a crush, I clearly liked a girl, her name was Dani, who graduated from Chuanmei.
At that time, I had just started working, and I met her during a pre-job training, which gave me a new understanding of “beautiful”. Her beauty not only comes from her beauty and voice, but more from her unique attitude towards life.
But she’s not a girl who doesn’t eat human fireworks. We will go to the movies with relatively higher ratings, eat roadside barbecue, drink the milk tea she liked to drink in middle school, or circle around the gym Take a walk and chat. For a long time later, I felt that it must be the most interesting thing to be able to live with her.
But it’s easy for me to screw things up. When I first met in private, I was very vulnerable. When the river wind was blowing at eight o’clock in the evening on Binjiang Road, I dared not look at her. I still feel ashamed when I think back on that time when I was so immersed in my own past pains without caring about her feelings. But she is a good person. She never disliked that I couldn’t keep up with her thoughts when I chatted with her, nor did she dislike that I cut my ugly hair and promised to take pictures with me. I’m pretty sure I liked her very much at the time, though only occasionally did the inferiority complex come to my mind.
Later, we said goodbye to each other, and the people we said goodbye seriously, even in a place so small that it takes less than half an hour to drive across the city, we never heard from each other again.
Later, I had a crush on a girl, her name is Fangfang, a girl who came to our unit for an internship. I don’t know when I started paying attention to her, maybe it was an unintentional glance while eating in the cafeteria. Later, I knew by heart when and what day I could meet her in the cafeteria. But I have never approached her. When I went to the cafeteria and found that she was there, I couldn’t help laughing happily. I only dared to peek at her from a distance when eating, and I would only follow behind on the short common road home. Then watch her leave the intersection.
Fangfang is not only good-looking, but what attracts me more is the aura she exudes. Whenever she is alone, she hardly speaks to anyone. Elegant, gentle, beautiful, no matter what word is used to describe her, she is overshadowed. So every time I see her, in addition to the joy from the heart, there is an unspeakable inferiority complex.
I don’t think I’m worthy of her, and I don’t even think there are any boys I know who are worthy of her. During her internship year, I saw her countless times, and even secretly took pictures while she was eating, but I never dared to say a word to her, even when she glanced at her inadvertently, I Dodge and look away.
I don’t know if she could sense my intense curiosity about her and the hesitation that I never dared to speak. Someone asked such a question on Zhihu, and one answered that if you are sitting next to a fire, can you not feel it?
It doesn’t matter if she can feel it, if she did, I might feel more inferior. I don’t know since when I became timid about relationships, maybe it was the time when I ran away in a motor car before dawn, or maybe she was perfect enough, even if she knew, there is no possibility for us .
After Fangfang left, my life became the same as usual, with no expectations and no one’s presence that I felt was a surprise.
But recently, in a new work environment, I met a girl who can also be described as “beautiful” – it seems that in my usage, the word “beautiful” is my poor expression, and it is also The highest level of praise.
Unlike the previous crush, I talked to her, but subconsciously I still felt that I was not worthy of her. I told Lao Liang that among the people who came to work together, there was a very handsome, handsome and handsome boy who would cheer for the students when they walked into the classroom. They were in the same office, and their bowls were put in the same bag. They’ll ride home together…she’s a little taller than me.
During the military training today, she pressed her hand against the sharp corner of the rear of a large car parked on the side of the road, in order to prevent the students from accidentally hitting their heads and getting injured. I also went to dinner in the evening. Actually, I don’t like hot pot, but I really want to see her again. Every time I see her, I can’t help but sneak a few glances, and I also dodge when she turns around. I saw her WeChat signature in the group was “Will you be happy every day”, and then I changed my signature to “OK”.
But I am still very low self-esteem, although she has a very good laugh, she is lively and approachable. My inferiority complex has nothing to do with the handsome and handsome boy, because I know that even if there are no such boys around her, I still don’t deserve her.
I don’t know what kind of changes will be in the future, and she won’t be working in that place all the time. It’s very likely that I won’t be able to express my feelings until she leaves, and then die like my crush on Fangfang.
But so far, it is a very lucky thing to be able to meet her. In the new life that I cannot adapt to, she has become my only expectation.
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