△ 135｜Do you wish me to die?
I did have a deep introspection on why I am not a person who likes to “bless” others. Even if I am really happy for the other person in my heart, I rarely say “blessings”, so that after my friend told me a good news a few days ago, the other party asked a question: Should you bless me this time?
Even so, I will now talk about some precautions on the practical level, so as not to miss the rare opportunity.
Afterwards, I thought about it calmly. It was n’t that I didn’t want to bless the other party, but I felt that “blessing” itself had no practical effect. At least the laws and emergencies at the real level were not caused by my blessing. I am not the butterfly with the butterfly effect, and I will not be the fairy who was offered to the temple. Therefore, I often take it for a while, talk about things at a practical level, help others predict the “possibilities”, and make other people’s “expectations” easier to achieve.
So I often complain about the “unwillingness to praise” of Chinese-style families. In fact, I am also such a person in essence. I don’t take the initiative to say good wishes, and even “sprinkle some cold water” when others are happy, and say something realistic level considerations. If you put yourself in the role of the other party, you will also feel that the other party has too many things – when others tell one thing, it is right to encourage and bless, how can there be so much “realism”.
When I wrote this, I intended to reflect on it, but I found that I actually used “encouragement” and “blessing” a lot of the time.
For example, people used to come to me to complain. Most people complained not to find a solution, but to get “encouragement” and “comfort” from others. At the beginning, I will still help them come up with various solutions, so that they can quickly get rid of their complaining emotions. It turns out that a problem soon became apparent, even if I gave them a ladder to get out of the pit, they would stay in the pit and continue to look for different people to complain about their misery, and then it would be a waste of time. Seems like I’m nosy. Later, when I met people who complained, I almost always adopted the attitude of “encouragement” and “comfort” – I even did something even more extreme. When someone opened the complaining phone, I put the phone aside and continued with my hand. I was dealing with work, and the other party on the phone kept talking all the time, so I answered every now and then with “hmm”, “yes”, “really”, and “what a jerk”—no one has found me like this so far. dealing with them.
It’s a pity these two years, and fewer and fewer people complain to me, because when they really want a solution from me, I still use “encouragement” and “comfort” to deal with them -How much trouble this will save me!
Speaking of which, I actually have times when I sincerely “bless” others.
For example, when someone insists on arguing with me about a matter, or arguing with me about the right or wrong of a matter, I usually adopt the attitude of “admit defeat” and then “bless me.” “You’re right” “Wow, it’s really great, why didn’t I think of that” “Really, next time I’ll use your point of view to see the world.” However, in the past two years, this trick is a bit easy to be seen and dismantled, because people are becoming more and more sensitive, and they are more and more overthinking by the Internet. Obviously I sincerely wish, but it is understood as “yin and yang weirdness”.
Writing this, it seems that I have no intention of introspecting at all. Because for me, there are three reasons not to “bless”:
1. Guarantee is expected. I have seen too many “present-day newspapers” that bless others and end up suffering misfortune. I don’t know if these blessed people really want to bless others, but when they encounter misfortune, everyone can express the “philosophy” they understand – retribution or not, pity or damn . I have also seen people who desperately need to be blessed, just like believers who worship at every temple, as long as they can’t hear a word of blessing from someone else’s mouth, their world may collapse. Some people even regard other people’s blessings as hope, a relationship that is obviously not blessed. They try to hear a blessing from others’ mouths. This terrible emotion will eventually become hysterical – once they live Unhappy, those who were originally blessed become a common “guarantee of expectations”, and they have to bear the tragedies caused by unhappiness and unblessing together.
2. Risk transfer. I should have mentioned in “Arranged Marriage and Risk Transfer” that the “secret” of risk transfer lies in whether we can find an object of moral kidnapping. Blessing or not blessing is a very ingenious moral capital. I used to work for a very superstitious boss. Once on a business trip, because the secretary said good luck to you, he scolded me on the plane and educated me for three hours. He explained that if a person is about to take a plane, it is a bad courtesy to wish for a smooth journey. At the time I was too lazy to argue with him because it was a red eye flight and I was fucking tired.
Later, after I left that job, I actually recalled this “ceremony” from time to time. But this “blessing” is a bit too subjective – what if a person drives to the airport to get on a plane, but the electronic door pole at the entrance of his community says “I wish you a smooth journey”, what should I do? ?
The beliefs of the Chinese people are very complicated. To put it simply: if your left eye jumps for money, you will be happy; if your right eye jumps for disaster, go to fucking feudal superstition.
Especially when someone asks me to say something “good”, although I don’t say good wishes, I usually say take advantage of the opportunity. But in the process of chatting, you will clearly find that the other party has many possibilities in terms of opportunities. Therefore, in order to facilitate the other party’s opportunity, I will naturally help him consider some “possibilities” – but this discussion of “possibilities” has become the curse of “I wish you a smooth journey”. So, I am starting to try to avoid saying “possibles” for the other party. Even if these “possibles” are very obvious and will definitely be exposed, I decided not to say a word. Even if it happens, my “curse” will be nothing Irrelevant!
3. Drink plenty of hot water. To me, the so-called blessing and “drinking more hot water” are the same thing, it has no practical effect, but many people just need to hear this sentence. In fact, I have also reflected on this point. When my wife came to my aunt, I really didn’t know what to do. But consciously “drinking more hot water” is a bit perfunctory, so I just thought about something I could actually do.
But many people will have a misunderstanding that “drinking more hot water” is a necessary condition, followed by their code of conduct. “Blessing” is the same for many people – I don’t know if you have experienced the feeling of “if you don’t say good night, you don’t love each other”, if you have experienced it and are still experiencing it, I can only pat your shoulders; but if you haven’t experienced it, I think your life is a little less full of wonderful integrity. This kind of maddening logical inference is the most terrifying existence in the emotional world. Just like you, if you hear that someone’s marriage is not “blessed”, other people will be unhappy – why, if I don’t bless, Is it my problem to get divorced after that? (It may also be my problem, such as giving the other party a green hat)
“I’m getting married.”
“Then… congratulations.”
“Congratulations on what I did?”
“Then what do you think?”
“But I love you!”
“But I love your husband, shouldn’t I be sad about this?”
“?”
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