Excerpt from “Know My Name”

Original link: https://www.ixiqin.com/2023/08/06/know-my-name-booknotes/

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Some Notes

This book was very difficult to read. I couldn’t read it several times and put it down, but after a while, I picked it up again and continued reading. It’s worth reading.

book excerpt

  • What is unique about this crime is that the perpetrator can imply that the victim is experiencing pleasure without people even batting an eye. There is no good assassination or bad assassination, consensual murder or non-consensual murder. But in this crime, pain can be disguised and confused for pleasure. I’ve been to hospitals, that’s where people’s bodies go when they’re sick or injured. But I still pulled down my sleeves to cover the bruises because I was afraid I wouldn’t get the same comfort as a wounded person.
  • When did comprehensive prevention and management become our job? If there are a lot of young girls getting hurt in some houses, shouldn’t we hold the men in the house to a higher standard instead of berating the girls? Why do people feel that fainting is more reprehensible than fingering a fainted person?
  • Believe in such a thing as a flawless past or a perfect victim. Now, however, I feel held up to an uncanny standard of purity, and fear that falling short of that standard will justify Brock’s rape of me. His attorney would simplify and generalize my experience and label me wrong.
  • I promise he won’t walk alone in the dark. But even with Lyft, I never put in my real address and the driver will never know where I live. Security is always an illusion.
  • As I listened to her, it dawned on me: You have to hang in there and see how your life unfolds, because it’s likely to be more than you ever imagined. This is not a question of whether you can survive, but what good things await you after you survive.
  • A trial is a search for truth. Now, the truth doesn’t always come in a pretty package with a bow on it. Sometimes, they deliberately blind your ability to see the truth
  • Aggression buries the ego. We forget how and when we are allowed to occupy space. We are born to doubt our own abilities and are prone to belittled when we speak. My statement has burned, exploded, unrelenting. But there is a fear in my heart that this road must have an end, and they will say, you’ve got enough, get out of this road. I’m waiting to be punched back into shape, back to that little place where I feel like I belong. I grew up on the fringes; in the media, Asian Americans were assigned supporting roles, submissive, soft-spoken secondary roles. I’m used to not being noticed, and I’m used to never being fully understood. I don’t think it’s possible for me to be the main character. The more recognition I got, the more I felt that I didn’t deserve so much generosity. However, people kept pulling me up until I heard from the highest levels of the country. Instead of lowering to my place, the Vice President lifted me up and bowed gratefully.
  • The trial revealed frightening and disorienting realities, heightening the viciousness of the words.
  • Our goal shouldn’t be to insult, but to guide, to expose the bigger issues so we can learn something. I want to be myself. So I use my strength not to push back, but to control my voice.
  • Society has given women the near-impossible task of distinguishing the harmless from the dangerous, the ability to foresee certain things some men might do. When we were attacked and yelled out, Trump said, I don’t think you understand. Just lip service. You are overreacting, overly defensive, hysterical, rude, relax! ! ! So we ignore the threatening rhetoric and the warning signs, apologizing for our delusions. We go to a party or a meeting thinking it’s just a party or a meeting. But when we were taken advantage of and crawled back, they said, “How can you be so naive, you failed to see the danger, let your guard down, what did you think was going to happen?” Trump made it clear that the game was rigged Yes, the rules are constantly changing. It doesn’t matter what you think is a violation because in the end, it’s up to him to decide.
  • In his testimony, I heard a familiar expectation: that a victim must be perfect to be entitled to live.
  • My point can be summed up in a line Brock wrote: “I just live in a reality where nothing can go wrong or anyone thinks I can.” Light skinned people are privileged, which he firmly believes Consequences do not apply to themselves.
  • Ram Dass once said: “Allow yourself not to be living in the wrong place at the moment. Consider the possibility that there is no error in the game. Just think about it. Consider that there is no error, all you have on your plate is Like this, while we’re here.” I don’t believe that being raped was my fate. But I do believe that “here we are” is all we have. For a long time, “being here” was too painful. My mind tends to wander. I used to think the goal was to forget.
  • For years, the crime of sexual assault has depended on our silence. Fear of knowing the consequences of our speaking up. Society gives us a thousand reasons: if you lack evidence, if it’s been too long, if you’re drunk, if the person is powerful, if you’re going to face backlash, if it threatens your safety , then don’t talk. Ford broke all the rules. She is not subject to any demands that those societies tell us before we dare to speak. She has every reason to hide, yet she walks right into the most public, tumultuous, combative environment imaginable because she has only one thing she needs, and that is the truth.

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