half a year

It’s June.

Since I left my job in January, I haven’t been at work for half a year.

This is the longest day I’ve been out of work since I started working in 14 years.

My grandmother passed away from a serious illness, my mother underwent minor surgery, my grandfather was admitted to the hospital with a kidney stone, and my grandmother accidentally broke her arm while walking around.

I have no words to describe the tragic face of the past six months.

After my grandmother left, we were extremely sad, and I felt the urgency and cruelty of time more and more in my heart.

No one can escape death and the passage of time.

During Mother’s Day and my mother’s video, I suddenly found that she is really getting older. It’s not that I ignored her situation. She didn’t suddenly get old, but her grandmother’s departure hit her harder than she thought.

It was a bigger blow than when my grandfather passed away many years ago, because of what happened back then, although she pretended to be strong this time, in order not to make us worry, the deep sadness, even if the snow melted in the warm spring, the mud flying swallows could not be melted away.

In the Mother’s Day video, she said that I used to be able to spend Mother’s Day with my grandmother, but now I can’t.

I said if you miss her, pick some roses from the flower field to see her.

In the flower field are dozens of rose seedlings that I bought from the Internet for ten years. At the beginning of the year, I just built the branches and leaves for them. On Mother’s Day, they have grown colorful and vigorous, opening a baby’s fist-sized flowers, pink and red. Yellow, delicate and charming.

She responded with a smile, the video stopped, and ran out the door.

It has been almost half a year since my grandmother passed away, and my mother often said that fortunately, they were always by my side to do their filial piety before my grandmother died.

I thought of me, far away in the wandering land of Shanghai, without a fixed place to live, no peace of mind, what exactly is it that I pursue.

Just for the so-called big city big opportunity?

Why should a person’s value be measured by these substances and desires?

I can’t understand myself.