Original link: https://www.gaficat.com/posts/bbb26db6.html

Summary

Double salary, but not as happy as I imagined.

In the past two days, I have frequently seen similarities on Zhihu, “What is the life of a city with a monthly salary of 15,000?”, “What is the life of a city with an annual family income of 300,000?”, Before, I might have actually clicked into it and wondered what people with such high salaries were. After all, I didn’t meet this standard. What are high-quality men doing? But I recently switched jobs and got a few offers, so that my income is much higher than these questions. In that instant, my own income exceeded the income of many people and a family, and I suddenly felt that my mentality had changed. Variety.

Salary increase, who to share with?

After all, it’s my own website, I just want to record my mood at the moment, I don’t have any idea of showing off. I was really not as happy as I imagined with the big salary increase. I was very numb, looking at my offer and the similar questions on Zhihu. On the one hand, I seemed to be envied and expected by others, on the other hand, It’s just that the number of my salary has changed, and my life has not changed significantly. I’m still the same person. It’s just that another company recognizes me more and is willing to give me more money. I really haven’t changed much in myself. If I’m still at my old club, I’ll still only increase by 500 per year. With a salary of RMB 5,000 and a year-end bonus of RMB 5,000, I have no idea about a house or a car, and even a new mobile phone has to be hesitant.

At this moment I thought of the word ” belonging “. I remembered this word from the book “Love, Needs to Learn” by Mr. Chen Haixian. The book says that intimacy can give people a sense of belonging.

“The biggest difference between being single and being in love is that no matter what I do outside, I am very sure that someone will be waiting for me at home. When I think of this, my heart becomes very firm.”

This feeling of “someone waiting” is a sense of belonging.

People, there are happy things like a salary increase, and there are also unhappy things like being run by colleagues. Who will wait for you? I hadn’t thought about this problem before, because I seem to be unhappy more often. When I’m unhappy, I like to do some things by myself, such as playing the piano and playing games. However, I really encountered such a happy thing as a salary increase, and I suddenly thought of this question, who should I share it with? I don’t know who you will share this joy with in the first place after your salary increase. parents? lovers? friend?

My parents can’t give me a sense of belonging

I received salary plans from three companies in a row in one day, and the salary plans of the three companies exceeded my expectations. There is a kind of momentum of “I will give you XX thousand, and you will refuse other offers”. I was on vacation at home that day, and my nearly four-month job-hopping experience was exhausting. Constantly hitting the wall, the whole person is very emo, doubting whether he is not capable, whether he has made the wrong choice in the past and entered the wrong profession. Because I was on vacation that day, the whole family, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, and four or five families had an appointment to eat hot pot together. There were a lot of happy things for the family during the summer vacation. The daughter of my uncle’s family was admitted to the university. , the result was a false alarm. But I wasn’t in the mood to eat at all, and I ran into a wall to find a job, which made the whole person feel depressed. Obviously, it seems that the depression of the mood will be expressed through the appearance of the person, and the immune system of the whole person is weakened. The back molars were completely inflamed and swollen, and I couldn’t open my mouth when I was eating, and a row of boils grew around my mouth. Later, before the pot was opened, I answered the connection call:

“Hello, I’m the HR of XX company. I’m here to communicate with you about the salary plan.”

“It’s like this. The other two companies contacted me, and the salary they offered was higher than the salary I asked you before. I know that each company has its own salary package, and I am also very sincere. The situation tells you that the final choice of offer is also based on various considerations, I hope you can communicate and give me a satisfactory salary.”

“Well, I just communicated with the leader, we can give you an annual salary of XX million, or I hope you will consider us, we can give you a very free research space, assign you personnel, and realize your own ideas at your own pace. . This salary is indeed the highest we can give.” (In fact, it is already higher than my expectations)

“Hello, I discussed the expected salary in the interview before, because we are a state-owned enterprise after all. Your expected salary increase is very large. Can you provide some screenshots of the offer you got before?”

“Oh, this is the situation. The other two companies communicated with me. Their commuting distance is closer, and the salary they give is quite high. I don’t want to think about our side anymore.”

“I don’t know how much?”

“It’s almost an annual salary of XX million.”

“Congratulations then! You are still very good, you probably won’t consider XX million from our side.”

“Yes, it is true that our commute is a bit too far, and then the other two give too much. Let’s have a chance to cooperate later.”

“Hello, I’m the HR of xx company. I had an interview this morning. I’m here to talk to you about the salary plan.”

“That’s right, a company just reported their salary plan to me, with an annual salary of XX million. We have two rounds of interviews here, and I can feel that the interviewers recognize me very much. For me, coming to work with us is actually The nature of the job is a seamless switch, and I may have to change my direction for other companies. I still hope to give me a suitable salary, and I hope to come to our side.”

“You wait for half an hour, and I will communicate with the leader.”

“Hello, it’s like this, we give you XX million, this is indeed the highest we can give, can you overturn other offers?”

“Well, thanks, I’ll think about it.”

I remember when I finished answering the phone, my dad helped me add some vegetables to the bowl, “My teeth are swollen, let’s eat more.” I didn’t want to talk too much, just eat. Later, on the way home, I said to my parents:

“I’m going to change jobs. Several companies poached me and gave me an annual salary of XX million.” (The whole person was relieved, and the tense nerves finally loosened)

“You’ve only worked here for a few years, and your salary is much higher than your parents’ working life.”

“Well, the old boss gave too little, and I was not happy with what I did.”

“We don’t understand your industry either. You can go when you think about it.”

Yes, the first thing I share after the salary increase is my parents. However, my parents had a hard time giving me a sense of belonging. I remember when I was in college, I was in the lab day and night. Communication with my parents is limited to making robots to buy materials and chips. I have no money. I ask my parents for money. Parents, that is, whatever you do, we will support you, but we can only support you financially. I don’t blame my parents, I have very good parents, they gave me enough space, I can do what I want to do, I have no money to do what I want to do, and I can ask them at any time. They are better than most parents. After all, many parents want to tie their children and do not want their children to have their own ideas. But I actually don’t have a sense of belonging. When I encounter anything, I just keep it in my stomach and digest it by myself. As for my parents, they don’t understand their own affairs, so they can’t complain to them, and I don’t like to complain to them. As for the teammates in the laboratory, everyone can talk about technical issues together, but everyone is more concerned about whether they can protect the research and how their girlfriends are. Who cares about your emotions. Therefore, my sense of belonging is the circle of friends that I post almost every day, and my expectation of meeting my soul mate every night when I play the piano quietly in the piano room (in the middle of the night, whoever goes to the empty piano room, where can I meet them? The souls that fit, some are just the uncle Da, the building manager). I don’t know how other people are. I do have some friends around me, and I make long phone calls with my parents every day. I don’t know what they are talking about. However, it is also a sense of belonging that you can vent your emotions to your parents, right?

Friends can’t give me a sense of belonging

It took me 4 months to find a new owner, what about Brother Li? I’ve been looking for a job for over a month, but I haven’t found a home yet. Brother Li and I often ridicule each other, “Mr. Li’s salary has doubled in the past four years! I’m going to pick up shoes for President Li?”, “Mr. Wei’s annual salary is XX million, it’s not benevolent for the rich!” Actually, neither of us belong to many. The type of friends, so yesterday the two big men went out for a day, which was the first time in my life.

Brother Li slaughtered me twice for lunch and dinner yesterday, and even bought tickets for my talk show for free. In fact, I can’t remember exactly what the two lords went out to chat about. It was nothing more than the house, parents’ health, career planning, etc. Brother Li and I both lamented that our parents were getting old and hoped that they could relax and not work so hard. , I can carry the burden of the family, but I have no choice but to earn too little. I did a calculation with Brother Li:

To buy a smaller house, the down payment for our place should be at least 400,000;
To install a house, it is 1500 yuan per square meter, and 100 square meters is worth 150,000 yuan;
Home appliances, furniture, etc., also cost 100,000;
Marriage, the dowry should be 150,000;
If you buy another car, it will cost at least 150,000, right?

After all, this is less than 1 million. A fresh graduate earns an annual salary of 200,000 yuan upon graduation, and it is not enough for him to eat or drink for four years. What is the concept of an annual salary of 200,000, at least a monthly salary of 15k? So, there is no need to put too much pressure on yourself. At least, Brother Li is still relying on his own efforts to solve the house. He just needs some money to decorate it. Take your time and get married soon. There is no wife’s provident fund, everyone. Let’s work together.

Among friends, everyone chats at home, and everyone will exchange their ideas, but everyone is not a community of interests bound together. Brother Li really congratulates me very sincerely. The salary given by the new owner is enough for me to worry about salary increases and job-hopping for a period of time. In my city, this salary can be very nourishing. However, this kind of congratulations from friends has no sense of belonging. You are my friend, you got a raise, I congratulate you, you can treat me to a few meals at most, that’s all. Your money will not be spent for me, it is not the kind of blood relationship of parents, your salary increase will make them feel more relaxed. It’s not a sense of belonging in an intimate relationship, when you raise your salary and everyone has more assets at their disposal. Friends don’t seem to give you that sense of belonging that is dependent and bound to others.

My ex doesn’t give me a sense of belonging

Xiaoye Ye told me that she hoped that her scumbag ex would find a better half than her. She also hopes that her ex will find a better half than her, and sincerely hope that he will be happy. The slag has hurt Xiaoye, and the ex-brother really loves Xiaoye. Xiaoye has experienced two extremes, so when Xiaoye finished talking to me. It suddenly occurred to me that my ex seems to be an unfinished matter hanging in my heart. Now that the salary has been raised, the separation is very hasty, so let’s make an appointment to meet and chat about the current situation. If you want to continue to be friends, you can also encounter troubles, occasionally meet for dinner and chat, after all, they are people who know each other very well.

I always thought that after getting along with my ex for so long, I used to talk about everything. How many times I met will still bring back memories, and there will be different fluctuations in my heart? However, it seems to be different from what I expected. This is a very common experience of meeting netizens. Everyone was chatting about the current situation. Like some new acquaintances on dating apps, everyone repeated what they had said several times. The chat between the two was not as relaxed and pleasant as before.

“I originally told you these words when I wanted to send you back, but you ran away and didn’t want to take my car. Well, I want to say, start well and end well, but the last goodbye turned out to be in the elevator, seeing you off Going back is just a matter of oil, and it can only be like this. Even if they are separated, I still hope to wish each other a better life in the future. “

“Well, my boyfriend came to pick me up, so I didn’t take your car. I wish you a smooth work and a comfortable life. I won’t leave your WeChat.”

Salary increase, mentality changed

At the end of last year, a friend introduced me to a young lady. Miss Sister 175, kindergarten teacher, looks sweet and has a nice voice. When I saw her for the first time, I had a feeling for a while, I’m afraid this is some rich daughter, right? I only earn this salary, and there are no mines at home, so I am not worthy of her. After the first meeting, I swore to myself that I would work hard to earn money, and one day I would be worthy of her. However, after I had more contact with her, I found that the profession of kindergarten teacher is also very busy. At first, everyone thought it was enough to play with the children in the kindergarten. In fact, I have to write various lesson plans, organize various competitions, and have one etude every week, and I still cannot receive complaints from parents. I really don’t want my other half to be too busy. Both of them are busy, so what else is there to live?

After the salary increase, I could occasionally see this young lady’s vote circle, and I suddenly found that my mentality had changed. I would think, “Why is this girl not worthy of her?” This is actually a very strange feeling, that is, when your salary is not that much, you will feel inferior when choosing your other half. , will weigh herself, “Oh, she is a civil servant, will she look down on me? She has a master’s degree, will she look down on me? She is so good-looking, will she look down on me?” But when Your salary outperforms most of your peers, and when you don’t use 996, you will really be floating. “Master’s conditions are so good, why don’t you choose one with good conditions? Well, this one is too short. Well, that one is too high and cold.”

Tail

Let’s finish it in a hurry, I don’t know what’s wrong, it’s not easy to write something. in conclusion:

After you jumped ship and raised your salary, you are actually not that happy, because there is no one who depends on you. You can share this joy with the one who depends on you. Of course, Doug is very happy, he has better dog food to eat But after all, the sense of belonging brought by pets, “someone waiting” is still not the same.
After the salary increase, my mentality has also changed, probably because of what Brother Li said, “being rich is not benevolent”? Your attitude towards your current and former predecessors; your attitude towards relatives and friends; your courage to take a look at the car in the 4S store;

Good night, love and tomorrow!

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I’m gone, I’m floating