Original link: https://onojyun.com/2022/07/14/6344/
△ 195｜Landscape
When I was a child, I learned gouache and sketching for a period of time. The class I disliked the most was the figure painting class. Of course, the main reason was that I really failed to carry forward the painting talent that had not been closed in my childhood. The more important reason was that there was a time In the painting class, there was an unpleasant quarrel with the teacher, which caused me to not like painting very much.
I don’t like painting figures very much. Colored gouache paintings require the process of using red, yellow and white to make flesh pink. I feel irritable, because there is a slight mismatch in proportions, and they can’t be formed smoothly and can be used to express children.” healthy, happy and positive” complexion. Because the proportion of them is not well grasped, the three kinds of pigments, red, yellow and white, are always used very quickly. In the classroom, the color of the fleshy pink that is the closest to the “healthy, happy and positive” one makes people feel that the children in the picture are “studying hard every day”. It is also a kind of involution and competition. section.
I have never won this kind of competition, because of the colors I created, when I succeeded, the characters I drew felt like I had reached the bottom of the “uncanny valley”; when I failed, if I explained to people The paintings I drew are to appeal to everyone not to racially discriminate against others because of their skin color. It may make sense , but at the same time, there is a problem that is not easy to avoid. How can I explain under the general policy of rejecting racial discrimination? It’s clear why I have a red face that looks like a fever in my figure paintings, rather than the dark skin that should most be called to reject racism.
Although the sketch does not need to use color, it needs to be split into the skeleton frame of the character. This matter itself is a kind of challenge for me. As long as I can see through other people’s bones, I don’t need to use penetrating words to describe the hypocrisy of a person on the surface – because their expressions have too many interesting places. , splitting it into bones will inevitably mean “lose fun” – unless the sketch can see the most authentic appearance of a person’s heart through the appearance of it.
It is because I don’t like to draw portraits very much, so I usually use landscape painting in the free painting class. Even if we are sometimes asked to paint streets, I don’t add the element of characters to it. For this reason, the painting teacher has criticized me. Obviously, the theme of the class is “city”. Why do other people’s paintings take people’s busyness as the cut-in, and those who know painting skills even add foreground blur, Passive dynamic blurred perspective to reflect the basic attributes of the busy city. And the city of my paintings is empty. In order to reflect this empty scene, I conscientiously use the thinnest pen to draw a creeper on every building.
“This is not the city you painted, you didn’t reflect the characteristics of the city.”
“I think this is the city, it’s just the city after the humans left.”
“If you don’t have the element of people, your painting is just a landscape painting, not a painting with humanistic colors.”
“Does humanistic paintings have to have the element of people?”
“Why do you have to understand it differently from others?”
If I had known the word “gangster” a few years earlier, I would probably have reflected on whether I was a gangster at that time. But now as I get older and my face is getting thicker and thicker, I don’t have this self-doubt definition of myself – I don’t think I’m wrong, a city without people is also a “city” in a sense , Isn’t the destruction of humanism a kind of thinking about humanism? Moreover, the city I envisioned at the time did not become like that because of disasters or wars, but because people left the city, lacking resources, cramped space, and conflicting relationships between people. Was reconciled, so they got out of there and went to better places. The city that was originally thought to be depleted of resources has been taken over by nature, and it has become a “city” in another sense that does not exist but has its own order.
No matter how you explain it, as long as in that class, other people used “people” as the starting point and showed the most basic or most correct understanding of the city, then no matter what angle I use To think and to cut into it is to violate the “correct” rules. Humanism has nothing to do with humanities, which is a wrong proposition – in paintings, if people are not emphasized as the subject of the picture, there is no way to express people’s most basic and most correct understanding of the city.
Although that time was not a quarrel, I have since obtained the “label” in my painting class that I also mentioned in yesterday’s article : Do you have a brain (psychological) problem, why must it be different from others.
Probably because I don’t want people to discover my “problems” most intuitively, so I lost my “talent” in painting, but instead I used these observations of things and descriptions of scenes in writing. Of course, I saw in my writing that I was mentally ill, and it became something that happened later.
I once had a beautiful dream about the end of the day. The reason why it is a beautiful dream is that its scene is very similar to the “landscape painting” at that time. I still remember that, in a world saturated with golden sunlight, I walked to a ruined city square covered with vibrant green, where I saw a wishing pond that was covered with moss and flowers. I wanted to get out of the pond. Picking up those coins that have been stained with patina and rust, trying to read the good things people put on them from the coins that prove that this place belonged to the civilized world, but now it is like Hopes of empty promises. But the coins in my hand turned into mud the moment they left the water, dripped back into the wishing pool, and then condensed back to their original appearance.
The sun is getting hotter and hotter at this time, it is no longer saturated in color, but an existence that transcends thresholds in all attributes, its brightness, saturation, scorching, radiance. In the dream, I understood what the transcendence of all these thresholds meant. It both heralded the final coming of the doomsday, and it also meant that the dream would come to an end. I think of the coins in the wishing pool, they cannot exist outside the water, and they still belong to the original world that still belongs to humans. So I hid in that pool, took a breath, and buried my knees into the icy cold pool water that was in complete contrast to the surroundings. The sun has finally reached its critical mass, perhaps a reckoning of the last human existence in this world. When it dimmed regularly again, I knew its trial was over – I wanted to get up from the water, but the moment I got out of the water, I felt my vision blur, melt, flow, then dark And silent, when I opened my eyes again to see everything, I was back under that water, I took a gulp of the rust-smelling pool of water, and instinctively jumped out of the water – then I blurred, melted, flowed, then dark and silent …
——I finally remembered that this dream was originally a scene that I wanted to write in “Non-public Dreams”.
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