On Falling in Love, Money Perception, and Lisbon, Portugal

Psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues published “36 Questions to Guide Love.” That same year, the New York Times wrote an article based on the report titled “Want to Fall in Love with Anyone?” Try this” article, which has gained widespread attention from the public.

The study asked participants to ask each other 36 questions designed to foster emotional connection between participants by opening up and exposing their vulnerabilities. After answering these questions, participants were asked to make eye contact that lasted four minutes. The researchers found that through this self-disclosure and eye contact, participants easily developed intimacy and even fell in love as a result.

The logic behind this research is that by opening up to others, showing the vulnerability of the self creates opportunities for more meaningful relationships. Of course, the results of this study do not apply to everyone, and there are many factors involved in building a strong intimate relationship, not just through simple question and answer, but this research can provide some insights into social situations. How to ask people to provide some assistance.

Below, a simple translation summarizes these 36 questions:

First set of questions:

1. If you could choose anyone, who would you invite to dinner?
2. In what way do you want to become famous?
3. Before making a phone call, do you rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would be a “perfect” day for you?
5. When was the last time you hummed to yourself? When is it time to sing to other people?
6. If you could live to 90 and spend the last 60 years of your life with the same mind or body as you did when you were 30, which would you choose?
7. Do you have a hunch about how you will die?
8. List three things you and another participant have in common.
9. For what aspect of your life are you most grateful for?
10. If you could change the way you were raised, what changes would you make?
11. Please take four minutes to tell your life story in detail to the participant across from you.
12. If you woke up tomorrow with a certain quality or ability, what would it be?

Second set of questions:

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about your life, your future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there anything you have long dreamed of doing? Why haven’t you done it yet?
15. What is the greatest achievement in your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most cherished memory?
18. What is your worst memory?
19. If you knew you were going to die suddenly next year, would you change your current lifestyle? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What role does love play in your life?
22. Share five positive qualities you think the person facing you has.
23. Are your family relationships close and warm? Do you think your childhood was happier than most people’s?
24. How is your relationship with your mother?

Third set of questions:

25. Make three separate truthful statements about “we,” e.g. “We are all in this room feeling…”
26. Complete the sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share….”
27. If you are about to become close friends with the opposite participant, what do you need to tell him the most?
28. Tell the opposite participant what you like about them, be very honest and say things you might not say to someone you just met.
29. Share an embarrassing moment with the opposite participant.
30. When was the last time you cried in front of someone? What about when you cry alone?
31. Tell the opposite participant what you already like about them.
32. Is there anything you can’t joke about?
33. If you passed away suddenly tonight without a chance to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not telling someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house is on fire with all your belongings in it. After you’ve successfully rescued your loved one’s pet, you still have time to rush in and grab an item. What would you choose to take? Why?
35. In your family, whose death would hurt you the most? Why?
36. Share a problem you have and ask the participant across from you for advice on how to deal with it. At the same time, ask the participant opposite you to describe how he or she felt while listening to you describe the problem.

ps Are readers and friends in Europe interested in doing a real-life experiment by asking each other these questions offline? Hahahaha! Welcome to register by private message!

The famous director Woody Allen once said that the relationship between lovers is completely irrational, crazy, even absurd. Knowing that love can be painful and frustrating, people still want to go through it. The important thing is that in a relationship, both people learn to grow and find their true selves.

According to research and conclusions by New York Times bestselling author Mark Manson, having a good relationship requires each other:

1. Being together for the right reasons. Rather than being forced by age and social pressure, or in order to pursue a certain social status, or completely overwhelmed by hormones, the worst reason is to regard the other half as a savior, hoping that Ta can save your loneliness or fill the psychological vacancy .

2. Have reasonable expectations. Affected by hormones, love can easily make people lose their minds. While enjoying the sweetness, don’t make unrealistic promises and expectations.

3. Treat each other with respect. Communication in an intimate relationship is important, but if it is not based on mutual respect, there will always be a moment when the conversation collapses. Not only respect others, but also respect yourself.

4. Discuss everything openly, especially things that hurt you. If there is something that makes you uncomfortable in an intimate relationship, you must bring it up early, otherwise it is really possible to end up like the Scottish love expert Daniel Sloss said, because a glass of orange juice will ruin a relationship. Be open and transparent and dare to expose your wounds.

5. Give each other space. Let each other have the opportunity to be who they want to be, don’t try to change others, and accept the fact that people will change.

6. Learn to forgive. Everyone makes mistakes, don’t be too harsh, learn to forgive mistakes that don’t touch your bottom line.

In the end, I would like to say, don’t deliberately define the relationship with others, as long as I am healthy, not because there is a hole in my heart that needs to be filled by others, then the mode of getting along with anyone is natural and healthy.

Ryan Holiday, an advocate of the Stoic philosophy school, summed up his major cognitions and lessons about money, a simple translation:

– People often say, “When I make X million dollars, I’ll be fine.” “Once I have X in the bank, I’ll be happy.” However, people’s desires are bottomless , we either set unrealistic astronomical figures for ourselves, or we keep changing our goals and never achieve our “ideal life”.

– When I first dropped out of school and went to work in Hollywood, my salary was only $30,000 a year. I still remember saying to myself at the time: “What do I want with all this money, it’s more than enough to rent an apartment and buy all the books I want to read”. Remembering this not only keeps me humble after my achievements, but also makes me grateful.

– Seneca said that being poor is not having too little, but wanting more.

– The nature of my work prevents me from having a steady stream of income, but if I am lucky, I can get a large sum of money all at once. So when it comes to saving and investing, I’ve always gravitated toward stable investments like real estate.

– Freedom is far more important than money.

– A lot of people think that having a full-time job will get in the way of your art, I don’t think so. I wrote 3.5 books while working full-time as a marketing executive for a well-known American apparel company. And now, I’m writing while starting my own marketing company and running a bookstore.

– Learning is priceless. When I was working cheaply for the well-known author Robert Green, I didn’t care how much money I was making, the most important thing to me was having access to him and asking him questions that interested me. Sometimes you have to accept a bad trade to learn, and consciously choose to walk away when you don’t learn.

– I had a conversation with Tim Ferriss when I was just starting a marketing company. He asked me what I was doing and what I wanted to achieve, and I gave a typical answer: “I want to achieve financial freedom.” Then he asked me a question I’ve never been asked before, “Ryan, What do you want to do when you make a lot of money?” In fact, I would just put my money in the bank. “Then why do you do so many things you don’t like to make more money?” he asked. It dawned on me. Making money is much easier than most people imagine, but many people don’t know what the purpose of making money is, which is the difficult thing.

– The fewer things you have, the fewer things you have to worry about.

– Remember to buy a life insurance policy. If an accident happens, the people I care about will be taken care of.

– Best decision I ever made was to ask for a pay cut while writing The Obstacle is The Way because I knew this book was something I really wanted to write and I could give up some of my salary to finish the book . Sometimes, you have to take a step back to move forward.

– If you make more money than your friends, treat your guests generously, or tip generously to keep the money flowing.

– I have realized in recent years that the money spent on advertising basically does not have any positive impact on the world, so I put the advertising budget into producing free content, which can also serve the purpose of advertising.

– If a problem can be solved with money, it is not a problem.

– Don’t compare yourself to others. Julius Caesar once cried in front of a statue of Alexander the Great, “Don’t you feel sad? At my age, Alexander has become king of many peoples, and I have not yet achieved great success.” Well, now you both have Gone, look at history, will it care who is better than whom?

– Accepting investments will result in failure, and accepting mistakes will result in losses. The Stoics say that we must accept all things cheerfully, or they will be a source of our misery.

– Spending money on experiences is more rewarding than enjoying material possessions. However, your time is limited, so be selective about the experiences you want to experience.

– If you think hiring a professional is expensive, try hiring an amateur. In a sense, in order to save money or be greedy for petty gains, it will often make you suffer even more.

– If starting a business makes you a worse person, puts a lot of stress on you, and destroys your relationships, no matter how much money you make or how much outside praise you get It was a success.

If I could sum up my life in Lisbon in one word, it would be “vigorous”. When I lived in London, I could always feel the busyness and fatigue of the local people, but here, people are still busy, but full of energy and vitality.

In the 1920s, Paris was a gathering place for artists from all over the world . It is known as the base camp of free creativity and avant-garde life. Many American and European writers and artists gave up their original nationality and moved to live in Paris, embracing the luxurious, diverse and radical lifestyle there.

In 1922, American bookseller Sylvia Beach published James Joyce’s “Ulysses” in Paris. Scenes of masturbation and menstruation are described in the book, and today the novel is considered one of the most classic works of the 20th century.

In 1933, George Orwell published his non-fiction work “Down and Out in Paris and London” in Paris, documenting his descent into the slums and earning a living from onerous, low-paying and socially inferior jobs. This book is still eternally influential today. .

In 1934, Henry Miller wrote Tropic of Cancer, a first-person account of the sexual and travel adventures of a typical American bohemian in Paris.

Ernest Hemingway also wrote the well-known “Moving Feast” in Paris, which recorded many important figures in Paris at that time: James Joyce, Ezra Pound, Wyndham Lewis , Fitzgerald and Gertrude Stein. Among them, since Stein, a novelist, playwright, poet and art collector, moved to Paris from California in 1903, he often organized salon activities in the local area to promote exchanges, cooperation and connections between writers and thinkers. Top artists including Picasso and Henri Matisse were her guests.

So, where is the “Paris” of the 21st century? Digital nomad pioneer and author Lauren Razavi has the answer: Lisbon. She believes that the affordability of Lisbon first provides the basis for people to start a new life. Although Lisbon is far from being the best city in the world, in terms of cost performance, it has unrivaled competitiveness of other popular cities.

Here, creative and knowledge workers can enjoy affordable basic necessities, free drug and virtual currency regulations, alpine beaches and more than 300 days of sunshine a year, as well as convenient domestic and international transportation. As Jonathan Littman writes in Portugal, the new California dream, many Californians are fleeing Silicon Valley in search of their next dream destination, and Portugal meets their needs in several ways. need. In addition to the advantages mentioned above, visas and time differences have also caused a large number of Americans to move here.

In addition to attracting a large number of scientific and technological talents, Portugal’s respect and pursuit of art has also attracted a large number of creative and cultural workers. In particular, the Portuguese government launched a relatively low-threshold D-series visa to catch up with the wave of digital nomads, allowing freelancers with an annual income of only 12,000 euros to immigrate to the country, thus attracting people from all walks of life from all over the world. Portugal has been revived and is urging the vigorous development of the local tourism and service industries.

Lisbon currently feels like a land of opportunity, an experimentation ground for a new life for global citizens. Lauren Razavi predicts that some of the most influential artists, thinkers and entrepreneurs will be born here in the 2020s. Perhaps by the 2120s, our descendants are likely to talk about the DJs, movie stars, writers, actors, entrepreneurs and restaurant practitioners who are famous in Lisbon today in the same way they talk about Hemingway, Picasso, Sartre and Beauvoir.

Lisbon will leave its mark on world history like Paris in the 1920s.

1. The more you play this large-scale role-playing game of life, the more interesting you are. You must go to a certain place to do a task, or find someone to talk to, in order to get clues to the next level, unlock new skills/new maps, and get New props and new plots.

In the first 30 years, I was a novice player. With a sense of curiosity and courage, I wandered around in the game world, but I also played happily. Now I think I have advanced to the level of an intermediate player. I have figured out some rules, equipped with the necessary equipment, and my perception of clues is constantly increasing.

Just like the state of playing “Wulin Heroes” back then, the ending is secondary, the main thing is to enjoy the process of having fun, practice skills, go to different places, meet friends from all over the world, and hook up with people you like Man, that’s enough!

2. I recently explored areas that I don’t often visit in Lisbon, and found many interesting shops. One of them has a lot of Joan Cornella’s comic books, and I think of her hell-style humor that I used to love (I love her now, and recommend a similar style of talk show actor Anthony Jeselnik), especially in the current era of speech blocking and PC rampant Today, everyone is sensitive and fragile and takes themselves too seriously. We need some “negative energy” and “poisonous chicken soup” to remind ourselves: life is just a game, and sooner or later there will be a day of death. Take your own role, take on your own responsibilities, first take care of yourself, and then take care of the world if you have the ability.

3. Imagine if Mozart grew up in the era when the piano was not invented, what a loss it would be to human society? So we have an obligation to invent new technologies for ourselves and the next generation to help everyone realize their talents and potential.

4. What’s the use of fighting for free speech if you can’t even express yourself?

5. Kevin Kelly said that if you don’t know what you are good at, following your passion will only wear you out. A better motto for most young people would be “Master the skills”. Find happiness in the process of mastering a certain skill, and find your own good direction by continuously expanding this skill.

6. The podcast has been updated recently! Welcome to search for “Chiwi Journal” and “ideal village” on the small universe platform to listen.