Original link: https://xn--qpru0x.cn/t/170
Last night, after writing the last update, the time was already “11:43” in the evening. This time is considered to be a late night for me, but if I don’t complain, I’m afraid that I will think a lot while lying in bed, and then continue to be unable to fall asleep.
It may also be because I have put too much pressure on “myself” recently. I am still “thinking about” some things while lying in bed, and also thinking about “very far, very far” things, and I am also worried and afraid ? For some “unknown” “The fear, just thinking about it like this, I finally fell asleep. I thought I could sleep well in the second half of the night, but the reality often backfires.
I don’t know if it was out of “guilt” or out of my own “inner” that had been suppressed for a long time. I dreamed of “grandpa who passed away last month”. I dreamed that “grandpa” “smiled” at me on the balcony of my dormitory, just like when “my mother asked me to bring food to my grandfather” he saw my smile. But then I was “scared?” because the only “grandfather” passed away last month, and I “dare not to go back to see him for the last time”, I think it was “grandpa” because I didn’t go to see him last month With his last look, he came to me specifically. I was very scared, very scared. My grandfather walked into my room from the balcony and pulled my legs. I was so scared that I wanted to run, but I couldn’t move my legs, so I called “Help” and kept shouting, But no one came to save me. Finally, I woke up with the cry of “hoarseness” in my dream, I quickly took a few breaths, and felt my body break out in a cold sweat. I wanted to check the time again, but the phone ? turned off automatically, so I could only turn it on. While waiting for it to turn on, I was too tired and fell asleep again.
Grandpa was hospitalized in August. The second sister went back to see her “grandfather” who was hospitalized. When she came back, she told me, “The situation is not very good, and my mother and uncle are accompanying me.” After another period of time, the second sister received news from her cousin that her grandfather “is going to die soon”, so prepare to go back in the next two days. The second sister and the eldest sister both went back, and the second sister also asked me to go back, but I was afraid of being “murmured” by people from my “hometown”, so I didn’t choose to “go to see my grandfather for the last time”. My inner weakness has “beyond everything” (denial), because of fear, because…I can only hide in my heart, guilt? Or something else, I don’t know, but I’m really…ε=(´ο｀*))) Alas, idiot.
As I continued to fall asleep, I had another dream, in which I was a “soldier”. For some “situation”, I “pushed” a person into the water. I thought the man would die if he fell into the water, and ran away frantically. Then a group of “teammates” came to take me back, and I was taken back in the end. I asked my teammate how that guy was, and he said that guy can swim?, otherwise it would not be us who caught you, but someone else.
When I opened my eyes again and woke up, the time was “about 5:50” in the morning, thinking that I should get up at this time to “exercise”, but the pain in the “knee” made me not want to move (excuse), and finally It is better to get up and “write dynamic” to relieve the “messy heart”.
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