Original link: https://blog.loikein.one/posts/2023-05-17-retrospect-new-start-again/
Introspection is both shameful and useless, but introspection itself is not pointless. However, once a person starts to use meaning to judge whether to reflect, it immediately loses all meaning, because the focus of reflection is reflection, not meaning.
I don’t know if my online self seems honest enough, but I know that my real-world self isn’t, not even remotely so. In my vague attempts to be an honest person in graduate school a few years ago, I was undone by a failed judgment, with consequences that I still find painful to think about.
Then, in a new country, it became clearer than ever that, if nothing else, this was my last chance to do it all over again. It’s like procrastinating to film a series for decades, and finally it’s the last season. You have to find a more normal leading actor to finish the filming, otherwise there will be no hope for ratings and word-of-mouth.
I try again, no, try my best to be a good person, try to be as sincere as possible to others, as honest as possible to myself, and face the things I don’t want to say with silence instead of lies. It’s an easy and difficult thing to do, but I have no other choice.
Has this effort succeeded? I have no idea. I’ve had friends compliment me on my integrity, but that’s really just a role I’m trying to play, and I don’t think the actor himself deserves that praise. If being a good person is a kind of debt, then the arrears I have accumulated since I was a child may not be able to pay the same amount of time.
I know I’m not worthy, but not many people are worthy in the first place, are they?
When I started this blog six years ago, I named it like a new folder, because I couldn’t think of a name for it, because I didn’t have the slightest idea of what the future might or should be. idea. In my previous life, most of the time I was pushed by fate, without my own will, and without options, or even if it seemed to exist, it was essentially the same option, even though I always insisted that I didn’t believe it God doesn’t believe in fate either. Six years later, I think, I’m finally ready to give it a real name.
“Huan” is the same as “wan”, which means washing and wearing on the body.
Wipe it frequently so as not to cause dust.
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