Original link: https://hin.cool/posts/mimi.html
The weather this week has not been very good.
It rained on Tuesday night, and fog rose into the sky, dappled light scattered over the small city like the aurora seen on electricity. When gusts of autumn wind came, I had the illusion that autumn was coming, but anyone who really knows the weather in Chongqing knows that it is the normal state of summer and autumn in Chongqing that it is hot and cold.
During lunch on Thursday, you asked me if I went home after dinner. After learning that I also have evening self-study, you said that you can go back in my car. This is something I once imagined, maybe you’re in the co-pilot, and then I joke with you that my co-pilot hasn’t been in a single girl yet.
Later, you told us that you were learning origami, and then jokingly said to me: “I can fold a rose and give it to you.” I finally said that sentence – then, why don’t you give me your WeChat.
In fact, I have already tried to add your WeChat in the group, but you have set that it is not allowed to add. For the next few days, I wondered if I should pretend to mention it to you inadvertently when I was waiting for you to wash the dishes, but I never found the opportunity and dared not speak. After dinner, I excitedly told Mr. Tan, I’m going to your WeChat. Although I know it doesn’t mean anything.
After the self-study next night, I can’t wait for you to come down quickly. I stood at the stairwell and waited for a while, feeling a little awkward, and went back to my office. Later, the three of you walked down together, and I walked far ahead, not because I didn’t want to talk to you, but because I was afraid that I would feel embarrassed if I slowed down. I remember when I was just in college, I walked so fast, my roommate joked that I was cold. But at that time, I was really socially terrified. At the worst time, I didn’t know how to put away the dishes and go out of the cafeteria after eating alone in the cafeteria. In the end, I called my high school friend and went back to the dormitory while talking.
The fact that I know no one will pay attention to what I’m doing, my personality has changed a lot since then. I told the school’s psychology teacher, Hua Hua, that I had social fear, and she said she didn’t notice it at all. In retrospect, when I was in front of you, apart from dodging your eyes at first, it seemed that I could pretend to be calm every time.
Later, when you got into the car, Mr. Gao sat in the co-pilot, and I was not surprised at all. I open the navigation, but I don’t dare to play music, or I want to talk to you more. In the dark night, we slowly descended from the mountain road. While waiting for the traffic lights on the main road in the city, I accidentally glanced at the rearview mirror. Maybe you turned on the lights and just saw your lovely face in the mirror, still With a charming smile.
On the way back, I started to listen to songs. I chose another route for the navigation for more than ten minutes, and I opened the time for seven songs. After I parked the car on the side of the road, I took out my phone and couldn’t wait to tell them in Professor Liang’s dining room that I’m taking you home tonight, to be more precise – I’m taking you home. In addition, I have nothing special to share, because secret love is always a lonely thing, and those little satisfactions hidden in the bottom of my heart are nothing to others.
Talking to you on Friday morning, I seem to be showing my enthusiasm for you all over the place, but we both have a tacit understanding of taking those things as normal. Before I sent you my chat with Mao Mao, I didn’t expect you to reply: I’m chatting with you about Dostoevsky.
Later, I shared with you BTS’s “Secret”, a piece of music that I really, really like listening to this year. If I share my favorite music with you, it must be very, very, very close to you. After a long time, you asked me: “Is this your mood?” I said, it may also be a matter of mind.
You reply to me: “Quiet and warm.”
I think you should have felt my passion for you. Later, after you went to class, I listened to it over and over again in the small dormitory with headphones on, and kept pacing back and forth. The feeling was like I couldn’t help but want to run to the grass and keep spinning in circles. Just chatting with you, just showing a little bit of tricks on purpose, we are still just ordinary colleagues or friends, but it makes me feel happier than any rainy day before.
After returning home, this joy did not last long, akin to the platonic one-sided admiration that gave me lasting comfort and company when I finally returned to my own life. The autumn wind blows into my room, I lie on the windowsill, the pale sky and the thick fog in the distance merge into one. Looking at the cars passing by downstairs and the leaves scattered on the ground on both sides, that kind of color has indeed appeared in my life. At that time, I didn’t know what love was, but I ate the so-called love. Sad, I still don’t know what love is.
But you have become my secret.
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