Original link: https://shinekid.com/2022/07/six-chapters-of-a-floating-life/
1
My husband is a pig. He has gained 20 pounds in less than a year of work, and he has grown fat even after drinking cold water. When I was in college, my tall, thin body was seriously deformed, and my belly came out.
Forcing him to lose weight, he is unwilling, always saying that a man is more dignified when he is fat. I said: “I like the university you are thin and thin. When you walk, you are like a weak willow supporting the wind. When you walk, you have nine bends on your body. Trembling, the bed creaks every night when you turn over. If you don’t lose weight, your belly will get bigger and bigger one day, and one day you will swell like a balloon and then float away.” He laughed, listening to his left ear and right ear popping, pinching it. Pinch my face and say losing weight is masochism.
I threatened him to break up, he hummed while watching football and said, “Let’s split, the things and money are all yours, I don’t want anything, as long as you don’t forget to take me with you when you leave.”
2
In the end, my husband started to lose weight under my iron-blooded politics, and he was only allowed to eat two bowls per meal. In order to appease him, I also accompany him to reduce it, from the original two bowls to one and a half bowls. He eats fast, and I eat slowly. Often, before I finish a bowl, he has already finished his ration. At this time, he would sit at the table, banging on the rice bowl and staring at me eating without speaking. It made me unable to eat, and my heart was full of guilt, so I had to give half of my meal. He ate quickly while saying what to do, and then stared at me after eating, so he had to give him another half.
After a week of checking the results, I basically did not change, and he gained two pounds.
3
Stimulated, I decided to allow him to eat only two meals a day, and he did not have his share of dinner (he ate at the company cafeteria at noon). When my husband saw that I was cruel, he would not sit at the table and watch me eat. Sitting in the living room, he sang miserably in his broken gong voice: “Little cabbage, yellow in the ground…” I got a mouthful of food stuck in my throat.
When I woke up in the middle of the night, my husband was not around, I heard something going on in the living room and went out to see, I saw my husband squatting in front of the refrigerator, nibbling on apples with the lamp in the refrigerator, and holding a tomato in one hand. Favorite fruit. Seeing me coming out, he smiled embarrassedly and said, “Wake you up?”
My heart was sour, I took the tomatoes and put them back in the refrigerator, cooked a bowl of noodles for him, and watched him gobble them up.
The weight loss plan had to be terminated. According to my husband, he was still developing and could not starve.
4
Husband is well-rounded in the company, talking to people and talking to ghosts. When I got home, my whole body relaxed, dumbfounded, and withered on the sofa, my eyes were dull and wandering. I often took this opportunity to bully him.
One day, he was sitting on the sofa as usual, and I took out a deck of cards and said, “Let’s play blackjack, slapped, and I’ll be the banker.”
“what?”
“Blackjack. It’s just that everyone is dealt a card, and then whoever’s score is higher.” I dealt myself two cards, and two more to him. Turn it over, I am seventeen, he is ten. I explained, “Now that I’m big, I can slap you in the face.” Then I picked three cards, bowed left and right, and slapped him twice.
The husband still said “Oh” stupidly.
I secretly laughed, and each person sent two more, this time it was still me. I took the cards back and dealt them again, this time a tie. I said, “Now the points are the same, the dealer wins.” Then I slapped him twice.
My husband became interested and asked, “When can I hit you?”
I dealt the cards and this time he finally won. I instructed him, “Now that your dick is big, you can hit me, like this.” Then I slapped him twice and asked, “Will you do it?”
“Yes.”
“It’s good to know, let’s play later. I’m going to cook.”
When I walked to the kitchen, I looked back, where my husband was gnashing his teeth.
5
While watching TV, my husband yawned a lot, and I grabbed the comb from the table and stuffed it into his mouth, and all of the sleepiness disappeared.
I never get tired of playing this game. Whenever and wherever my husband yawns, I will pick up anything around me and stuff him in his mouth.
Husband complained that being with me made him stupid. I smiled and ignored him. We also tried the exquisite life described in the magazine, talking about poetry and French New Wave movies. Unfortunately, my husband would not cooperate, he would rather watch football. I tried several times, but my whole body was not right, and I gave up in despair.
Will take advantage of the supermarket discount to buy, but also very happy to grab, saying: “Hey, save two yuan and five.”
The two of them went to eat the roadside Malatang together, and their mouth was on fire, and they were reluctant to put it down. They never ate Western food, because they felt that the etiquette was boring and the meat was always bloodshot.
Watch only the hottest action movies. Watching the opera, the heroine opened her mouth wide on the stage, “Ah, ah, ah,” and we watched her tongue with binoculars below.
As a digression, my husband often said ‘how can you be called a man if you don’t smell bad’, so he shook his socks and said, ‘Smell it, relax your muscles, shake it, and feel refreshed’ (I only found out when I wrote it out—evil~~)
Wrinkled his nose to the magazine confidently and said: I am vulgar!
6
Once I talked about the fate between people, I said: “It’s terrible, you were born in Shaanxi and grew up in Gansu, I was born in Liaoning and grew up in Inner Mongolia, thousands of miles apart. China has a population of 1.3 billion, and We were admitted to the same university and lived in the same dormitory. If you do the math, the chances are frighteningly small, and if something goes wrong, I will never meet you.” Saying this, I feel that there is more metaphysics in my life. the taste of. Is there a mysterious and inexplicable force that guides us, and when two circles intersect at a certain point, we meet. Or, everything just happened by accident.
My husband pushed my head, laughing at my crazy thoughts. I thought about it myself, and then said indifferently: “Even without you, I will meet someone else, maybe he is better than you.”
With a “pop”, the sentimental and grateful atmosphere disappeared. I stared at him dejectedly, people were still moved there for no reason, and I was going to try my best to maintain this feeling.
7
But when my husband is also emotional, the chance of appearing is similar to that of Harley’s Comet.
Towards the end of the first semester of freshman year, both of them clearly felt the attraction, but they were reserved and fearful, not daring to take a step forward. Occasionally, eyes meet, and his heart is turbulent, but his face is still as if nothing has happened.
During the winter vacation, he came home and I stayed at school.
After taking a few calls, the tone was also indifferent. The two of them held the microphone in a daze.
At the end of the winter vacation, I went out to pick him up at midnight. There was no bus, no CMB, and I was reluctant to take a taxi, so I walked for more than two hours and nearly thirty miles to the train station.
When I saw him walking towards me from the exit, I suddenly felt very shy, smiled and said nothing. Afraid that he would see the blush on his face, he kept turning his head forty-five degrees and gave him the back of his head.
Her husband was also embarrassed. Taking a taxi back to school, in the dark, he suddenly reached out and stroked my head, and said in a low voice, “Little furry boy, did you miss me?”
For a moment, his eyes were sore, and he wanted to cry and laugh.
At two o’clock in the middle of the night, the empty street, the thirty-mile road, the cold wind, everything was worth it.
The Six Books of Floating Life appeared first on ShineKid .
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