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one
I probably have worsened depression, mood swings, fear of going to work, and physical discomfort. At the workstation, I occasionally experience rapid heartbeat, pain on both sides of the chest accompanied by breathing, and weakened memory. It is this kind of working atmosphere that affects me, and I am no longer suitable for continuing to work. Tolerating it every day not only hurts myself but also makes me feel sorry for the job.
It seems that I haven’t reached the point where I need to do my best to survive, give up everything to live for more money.
In the past few days, I was awakened by nightmares again, and after waking up, I began to doubt the meaning of existence. Living so hard, is it just to get a good life? With more wealth accumulation and a richer material foundation, I don’t feel happy. Those things that I once wanted very much are no longer interested in them, and I don’t have time.
I’m young and not like those who have families. Those who do their best to live can’t stop and look at the scenery along the way. But now I live the same life as them, at least during the day and at night, after night they have more pain. I don’t want to understand. At least I shouldn’t be right now. If you don’t pursue your love and ideals while you are young, you will have no chance in the future. If I am now at the age of missing them, and I have been living such a life, it is not a kind of sadness.
I always think about escaping, always hovering on the edge of escaping but never have the courage to really escape once, and this time, give me a chance.
two
When I woke up in the morning and saw the bug mentioned in the early morning test last night, my heart was shocked. Is it necessary to go to this forced class? After hesitating for a long time, he finally sent out the news that he decided to resign.
After coming to the company, I chatted with the Leader. Said the decision to resign.
I am tired and tired, things are overwhelming, coupled with the current high-pressure atmosphere in the group, and the recent encounter with idiot colleagues, all kinds of things are intertwined, and I feel very uncomfortable every day, and I have insomnia after returning home , mood swings, forgetfulness, irritability, and crying again in a blink of an eye. After enduring it for too long, I finally had to leave.
A lot of people advised me that it’s already this time, don’t leave until the end of the year. I was the same at first, and I will definitely leave until the end of the year. But I really couldn’t bear it anymore, and I chose to give up when I was about to reach the end.
LD makes me think about it for one week and talk about it next week. I can leave work earlier this week, or ask for leave to take a break. However, I find it a bit unbelievable. In such an environment, leaving get off work one day earlier is equivalent to working overtime tomorrow, and taking a day off is equivalent to going to work after vacation. This kind of rest does not have a good attitude, so it is better not to rest.
I think, now that I have said these words, I already have the answer in my heart.
three
In the past two days, I have been in a good mood. Although there are still a lot of things under pressure, I am very happy to think that these days are coming to an end.
At night, I was emo again, confused, and didn’t know where the road was. Because of the incomprehension of the family and the fear in the heart, the depression was aggravated again, and I felt that the whole world was alone, and I really wanted to end like this.
Four
Choices are always difficult.
five
Emotionally broken, although I have already mentioned my resignation, I still have a lot of things on my back, and four or five things are going on at the same time.
Stress limits the imagination and becomes a case.
Writing code should be a pleasure not a torment.
Feeling alive is pointless.
No one understands me.
Only my wounded world reached.
Without me, there will only be one less hurtful person.
Hope people are still there.
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