Original link: https://blog.loikein.one/posts/2022-09-21-phd-first-year/
Although there have been too many accidents, there seems to be no shortage of a few more, but if there are no more accidents, the next year will be my second year of Ph.D.
In the past year, I have been reluctant to mention my studies, or even the area I am in, because there are too many unknowns about whether I can advance to the second year. To be honest, there are still some levels before the third year, but it should (should) be a lot easier than the parts that have been completed, and I should start writing this blog post that is a year late.
Thanks to all of you, I have a Ph.D.
It’s simple and complicated. The simple thing is that I have been brainwashed by my family since I was a child and I have to study for a Ph.D., so the postgraduate entrance examination for a Ph.D. seems to be a matter of course; the complicated thing is, not to mention the difficulty of this process, this matter itself is in my heart. It has always been a huge psychological burden, and has therefore missed out on the (by far) best opportunity to immigrate.
Walking back to school today, I asked myself, am I doing well enough?
In terms of results, it’s probably good enough for a family who’s been expecting this day for more than 20 years; but if I only think about myself, I seem to have been making very stupid choices for the past five years.
This may be the fate of many East Asian children, especially East Asian daughters: to spend the first half of their lives living for their families, and then use the rest of their lives to heal the pain caused by it.
I hope I can live to experience the second half of the day.
I’m not completely self-aware either. In the eyes of many people, I must have been lucky enough, and I do my best to identify with and make the most of that luck. But the more places we travel and the more people we know, the more clearly we realize that there are so many worlds outside of China. For people there, the “lucky” we long for is just a It’s just an ordinary life choice, and I can’t even understand where our pain comes from; I realize that there are some people, who are also Chinese, who enjoy economic and freedom of movement that we can’t even imagine.
Meeting and getting to know these people is sometimes a motivator, and other times it’s downright frustrating.
I think this may be one of the prices that I have to pay for living abroad for many years.
Let’s talk about schoolwork. I can’t write too much detail. Please don’t apply for the school name if you recognize the alumni. I’m not ready to disclose the school and major , but I try to write something meaningful.
This past year may have been the hardest learning year in my life. Of course, as someone who has been studying, I almost guessed it would be like this, but the actual experience is still quite scary.
Unlike some schools in North America that I’ve heard of, the school I’m attending doesn’t have a qualifying exam , but instead uses the entire first year to decide whether to continue.
There are several courses in each of the two semesters, and you need to pass all the final grades at one time, plus a paper. It’s not that you can’t retake the exam, but once you retake the exam, you can’t be promoted to the second year. You can only take a first-year degree and leave (I heard that you can recommend transferring to other schools, but I have never seen a similar experience directly. people).
When I was studying for a master’s degree before, I could take two exams for each subject, and if I failed the exam, I could re-elect the next year. Anyway, as long as I didn’t die, I could always graduate; this gap came about.
The class is very difficult, very difficult. To be honest, it is a bit embarrassing. I guess this may involve a screening of the degree of hard work (human words: endurance). If I go back in time, do I still have the courage to go through this year again? I’m not so sure.
Before, a friend on fedi complained that he found that the exam questions could not be found on the Internet, so he suddenly felt that he was studying in graduate school, which is indeed the case. There are many questions that can’t be answered by checking textbooks or papers, so I can only write it myself. If I hadn’t found a close East Asian study group as soon as the school started, it’s hard to say whether I communicate with each other every week and before exams. Can I still write this blog post here. Of course, finding the right group all at once depends on luck, but it’s better than nothing.
I am not a person who likes to communicate, and this year, I have a friend who can send messages at any time, but I have at least a familiar name with people in the same major, and we need to discuss, such as looking for a room and a visa, when it is not difficult to Don’t dare to ask questions in the group, it is more useful.
No matter what course, no matter what kind of professor, they really like to be asked questions, especially those that are more professional.
If there is a teaching assistant class, then the teaching assistant must be caught and killed. If you are very good, then you will earn if you get it. If you are not particularly good, you can also recommend other more professional seniors to solve the problem, and that is also earned. (I’m going to be a teaching assistant soon. To be honest, I would be a little scared if I met a student like myself.)
Of course, the most important thing for me personally is to believe that everything can end.
I met a classmate’s roommate, a major next door, and I talked about what to do if I failed the course, couldn’t find a job, had to go back to China, and was involved in the New Cultural Revolution. I said, if it’s a big deal, I can jump off a building, and he said, if it’s a big deal, I’ll just lie down in the mud and eat grass and land to survive. There is a cheerful air inside and outside the house.
I think that in this era, we really need some of this kind of awareness to live a little easier.
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