Original link: https://codechina.org/2022/10/writing/
Why write? Yu Hua said in the preface to “Alive”,
A true writer will always write only for the heart, and only the heart will truly tell him how outstanding his selfishness and his nobility are. The heart allows him to truly understand himself, and once he understands himself, he understands the world. I understood this principle many years ago, but to defend this principle must pay arduous labor and long-term pain, because the heart is not always open, it is more often closed, so only writing, It is only by writing constantly that you can open your heart, and you can place yourself in discovery, just as the light of the sunrise illuminates the darkness, and inspiration comes suddenly at this time.
Although I have written articles for more than 20 years, since I started writing blogs in 2002, I have also written public accounts for 7-8 years, counting from 2015. I also published a book. But I’m not even a writer.
But in the process of my writing, I do feel the same way. When there is something in my heart that I want to express, the words automatically spew out. The reason I see content creators as a major occupation of the moment is not because of the money it makes, but because this automatic outburst is the cause, not the effect.
We live in an environment, we live in a cause and effect, and we cannot be without feelings. If the environment allows, you can express freely, then it is very happy for a content creator.
I had brief periods where I fully enjoyed this feeling of bliss.
When I wrote the official account in 2015, my company was running smoothly. I had a high self-esteem and believed that I could not only inspire myself, but also help others, so I wrote a lot of articles. At that time, I felt that all problems could be solved by accumulation, hard work, iteration, and constant succession. There are no cures for problems in the world, so I hope to write something every day to help others and encourage myself.
When I was depressed in 2018, I also had automatic spurts on Weibo. At that time, I was depressed and angry. I sneered, slammed, made fun of everything. During that time, although the overall tone was dark, sometimes, my Weibo with more than 70 characters was forwarded tens of thousands of times and commented thousands of times, and I could still get the happiness of the content creator.
However, we do not live in a vacuum.
In recent years, there are some things I don’t want to say, can’t say, can’t say it, and it becomes very uncomfortable.
But it’s not the writing’s fault.
I often look back on what I wrote five years ago, ten years ago, or even twenty years ago. Because of the amount of reading and the problem of experience, the earlier things are, the more immature they appear. But sometimes, I also feel, so passionate, so generous, so confident, so desperate things are also written by me?
Is that me too?
Probably it is. Probably not anymore.
For me, the biggest problem is always finding myself before solving real problems. What is my favorite self? Is it me who did nothing during the 11th holiday, but was stabbed with nucleic acid for several days? Or the hopeful me who believes that the world can still be changed?
Is it me who lost my demands on myself and lived silently?
Or can I keep torturing myself, hoping to explore my limits?
Don Quixote, no matter how many times you fail, you still have to challenge the windmill giant…
Sisyphus, can only keep pushing the stone up the mountain…
Does Kuafu know that he will never catch the sun?
We can only continue to pursue when life is not over…
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