Original link: https://www.justzht.com/2023-9-24/
Just like last Sunday, my efficiency collapsed again on Sunday night. I knew there was something to do, but nothing could be done. I checked the mailbox three or four times because there was a package on USPS that looked like an EAD card and said it was delivered on Saturday, but the mailbox was still empty. When I’m anxious, I want to find something to eat, as if eating can solve the problem. I also thought that it seemed that I had experienced everything I should experience in life, so it was better to die at this point in time, but I also knew that death was of no use. Moreover, in a society with a sound protection network that is almost boring, it is not that easy to seek death. This is at least much less feasible than going bankrupt and becoming a homeless person. I had a similar thought last Sunday, and the lesson I learned afterwards was to go to bed early. But I had things to do, and I didn’t want to rest right now. I just had no motivation to do anything, so I just kept doing it. This is one of the reasons why I am enthusiastic and very skeptical about the idea that I can get better by going to Japan. Even if I am very happy after a week in Japan, it most likely belongs to a specific time and place. When I return to my daily life , I might still be the same as I am now.
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