Accidentally knocked off the track of life but also found himself in alienation

In my teenage years, I experienced two things that were knocked off the track of my life. It felt like the sky was falling when it happened. But it was also these two things that helped me find my identity, and my own philosophy.

13 years old, third grade

He had just entered the third year of junior high school and had just started school. He was hit by an unlicensed teenager riding a motorcycle while crossing the road, and hit his head on the safety island when he landed. He lost consciousness for a short time and woke up in the intensive care unit.

“I have to go back to school for an exam tomorrow.” This was the first thing I said when I woke up. In the age of school entranceism, before realizing what happened to me, I thought of the exam first. Then I noticed that there were various tubes attached to my body. I have no memory of the incident, what happened was described by my family.

It hurts badly. Intracranial hemorrhage, facial nerve injury, and a severed auditory nerve on one side. I stayed in the intensive care unit for ten days, was discharged from the hospital and recuperated at home for a month, and then took a year off from school. There was no permanent brain damage, but he could no longer hear in his left ear.

It is the most painful thing to go back to the third year of junior high school after a year of carefree life. Can’t keep up with the rhythm of high pressure. Later, he simply stopped following. Every mock test is the last in the class. The teacher estimated the placement one by one, and it was my turn that I must not be able to get in the last volunteer.

But I also had to find a way to know myself, affirm myself, and find my own learning method and rhythm. Later, the last one in the class was admitted to the first choice. I remember that year Kaohsiung Middle School admission standard was 527 points, and I got 540 points.

18 years old, third year of high school

Three years have passed in Xiongzhong at his own pace. No tutoring, no reference books. Just read the textbook and finish the exercises. Time is spent exploring the world and yourself. Run clubs, fight against the ban, practice writing, read books on political and social phenomena, participate in various outdoor activities to adapt to group life, practice social skills, and overcome shyness and loneliness.

It is conceivable that the results will not be very good. I failed in mathematics in the first year of high school, and passed the make-up exam in the second year of high school. He failed in mathematics and physics in the second year of high school, and passed the make-up exam in the third year of high school. Students who failed in mathematics, physics, and chemistry in the third year of senior high school were directly repeated. Became the last one in the class.

This also forced me to “calibrate” my self-identity and my philosophy. Identify your character and talents as well as your strengths and limitations by re-examining your experience over the past three years. Learn not to live in the expectations of others, and learn to affirm yourself even if you are denied by the whole world (at least your own school).

Later, I took the university entrance examination with the same academic ability. I also got a high score in the Department of Psychology, which I wanted to study. When I reported to the university with my high school graduation certificate, the school’s Academic Affairs Office called the Ministry of Education to confirm the regulations because I had never encountered such a situation without a graduation certificate before allowing me to register. I didn’t go back for another year of high school, and I didn’t graduate from high school, but none of that mattered anymore.

Most of the students were liberated and could not settle down until they entered university. I got rid of it early and trained a strong metacognitive ability. Therefore, after entering university, you can study with confidence immediately, and you can still study at your own pace, without being restricted by teachers, courses and the environment.

54 years old, middle-aged

The philosophies established during my teenage years have carried me to this day. Only by continuing to explore the world can we continue to understand ourselves in the process. You also need to keep a distance from the world, so that you can continue to train yourself to affirm yourself without relying on the affirmation of others.

Of course, I have encountered many setbacks and grievances in these years, and some things may be major events in the eyes of outsiders. But it was nothing compared to the two shocks I experienced in my most vulnerable teenage years.

review

The developmental task of adolescence is self-identity. At this stage, people will want to understand themselves and the world, and after understanding, they will find their relationship with the world. Only in this way can we enter adulthood without confusion. And these understandings must go through a lot of exploration and experimentation.

To put it more plainly, before the end of the adolescent stage, you must be able to answer: “Who am I? Where am I going?”

Finding self-identity requires experiencing a lot of failures, setbacks, embarrassments, embarrassments, and injuries. Our society has traditionally repressed these attempts. This society is afraid of failure and is used to following the path opened by others. If you dare not take the initiative to explore and find the path that suits you best, you will have no chance to know yourself.

I was knocked off track twice during my teenage years, which actually contributed to these things. And this experience lasts a lifetime. The world is changing, so is the self. Exploring the world and self, and finding one’s own philosophy and value are the homework of a lifetime.

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