Original link: https://hin.cool/posts/shilian.html
The rat came to me last week, Saturday, and didn’t tell me in advance.
He hadn’t been to Africa since his last return, probably because of eye problems, and he wasn’t fit to continue working in the mines.
It was around one o’clock in the morning when I received his call, and he told me, “Sheep, I’m downstairs from your house.”
I hurriedly put on my coat, grabbed an umbrella and ran down. When the elevator opened, I saw Rat leaning against the opposite wall with a half-burned cigarette in his mouth, wet hair, and inadvertent dripping water that made his eyes blink unnaturally.
I walked over and patted the water on his clothes. He threw away the cigarette butt, and when he walked into the elevator, he turned around and said, “It was a taxi, so it was raining a little.”
After entering the house, I handed him a dry towel, and he took out a cigarette and a lighter from his pocket, put it on the coffee table, and wiped his hair.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing, thinking about Saturday, you must not have slept yet.”
“So you suddenly came to see me?”
He suddenly leaned on the sofa, not knowing whether it was rain or tears sliding down from the corner of his eyes. He didn’t care about it, he just asked me why I didn’t fall in love at twenty-seven or eight.
I don’t know where to start, love is a harder problem than science. Who doesn’t want to be able to play or rest as they like when they come home from get off work? Falling in love will always deprive them of some of their own time.
He is lost.
When I was in love, I brought Lin to come to me, and when I was drunk, she advised me to fall in love and then get married.
“I came to you suddenly—it’s okay.” He lit a cigarette again. “Actually, it’s been a few days, but it’s been tense. It’s strange, and suddenly I can’t hold it anymore. Lovelorn, you understand?”
“Why did you split up?”
“The adult world, is it because of love?”
“I think you are poor? Then why were you with you in the first place?”
“I don’t know, maybe it’s because she hasn’t been in a relationship before.”
“What bullshit logic!” I got up and went to get a beer from the fridge.
He took a jar, opened it, and put it on the coffee table, as if talking to himself for a while, probably meaning that he really wanted to get married, because he didn’t want to see the disappointed eyes of his family every time. After a bunch of nonsense, he said that he didn’t really want to get married, life was already difficult, and marriage itself was hopeless.
But it seems that he should want to maintain a relationship through marriage, because love will break up, but marriage is relatively more secure.
He picked up the phone from the coffee table and showed me their last chat log.
“She probably just wanted to force me to leave in this way because she knew I had no money.”
“But this is normal. It’s not a child playing a house. With you, you have to live.”
When it comes to children playing a house, he told me about his first love: “When she mentioned me, it was endless hatred. He said that when I was studying at the time, after she came to see me, she didn’t give her away on such a dark day. But oddly enough, my memories of her are wonderful, like fairy tales.”
“Young love doesn’t have any sense of responsibility. They only care about their own feelings.”
“Then do you think you can do well if a love suddenly comes?”
I thought about it, and it seemed like a question I never imagined. Since college, I have never been in a serious relationship, and even once felt that I no longer have the ability to love someone, and I am unwilling to suffer from love again. So when he told me they broke up because he had no money, I understood but couldn’t empathize.
I threw the can into the trash can, but it jumped up from the edge of the trash can and hit the ground with a clatter. I didn’t bother about it. When I was thinking about it, the abandoned soda can had no priority, and I could pick it up at any time or even ignore it. Except for a bang, he will not complain or be sad, because it will not suffer from love.
“If it were now, I’d be 50 percent sure. Ten years ago, I would have felt 90 percent.”
The mouse stared at me in surprise, as if he was hesitating to speak, but he finally expressed his question: “Is not progressing but regressing?”
Obviously he didn’t understand what I meant. When people grow up, it’s not that they don’t know how to love more and more, but they are more and more aware that they may not be able to really do well, because they will discover more and more about their own shortcomings and shortcomings in love. Selfish, frivolous, suspicious, possessive.
“Because young love is immature.”
“But I think that love is love when I was young. I have a female colleague who will compare all over the world when it comes to love – even one of the requirements of first love now is to have money. The pure and pure image in my heart has a big impact on me. .” He smiled bitterly, squeezing the can in his hand.
“It’s normal. When you are young in love, boys tend to be more macho, and girls tend to be more pure. When you grow up, men tend to have a single purpose, but girls become more realistic. So you will feel that the memories she gives you are It’s like a fairy tale, and today’s female colleagues are going to compare.”
“Did she really love me?”
“Who?”
“The person who broke up with me because I was poor.”
I don’t know how to answer him, did she love him, he was mining gold in Africa at that time and his income was several times higher than mine, and they were together at that time. There have been more arguments between them since his eye injury last year. It’s inevitable that she doesn’t love him now, but maybe only he knew in the past.
“Rat, it doesn’t make any sense to ask me this question. The answer is that nothing matters, you know, the world is fake, but your feelings are real.”
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