Reminisce when you run

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It’s not so hot anymore, the breeze is blowing, sitting on the bench watching the ripples of the pool water, there is a little taste of autumn.

This summer has been indescribable. The positive became the negative, the hot became the cold, the closeness became the distant horizon, and the unexpected happened suddenly and at a loss.

During this time, I often reflect on the path I have traveled. When I graduated from high school at the age of 18, I never left Xinzhou District, and it was my first time to Wuhan City when I was a freshman in college. The most memorable “failure” before the age of 18 was the summer when I was 16, when I was robbed by a boy in the next village because my family had no money. Because of this, I haven’t spoken to my parents for a few days, and now I think of how naive it is. After entering a second-class high school, I should eat and sleep. Although our family is not good, in fact, the efforts of our parents have kept us from being severely beaten by the society before going to college.

Children who grow up under the umbrella of their parents, especially us, the umbrella is not very luxurious, and they feel uncomfortable after entering the society. The cognition of the environment is incomplete, the ability to communicate with people is insufficient, and the self-awareness is also one-sided. When one day you realize that your parents were using their swollen faces as protective umbrellas, the grief is indescribable. Looking back at the age of 30, if I can go back to the past, I really hope they don’t hold up this umbrella, and they have gone through all the storms and detours that they should go through.

There is an element of “dishonesty” in my character, and it is easy to do things for others to see. A bad habit of not knowing when.

Maybe it was because my academic performance was good since I was a child. After graduating from university, I went to Hong Kong to study for graduate school. During that year, I always posted some English circles of friends. I was obsessed with the number of likes and comments from my relatives and friends. It’s a kind of show, wanting to give yourself gold by “reading”, “English papers”, “writing code”, and pretending that you really believe it. This is dishonesty with yourself.

This bug needs to be corrected. How to change it?

  • Turn off the WeChat Moments, don’t spy on and judge other people’s lives, and don’t disguise yourself to create a personality.
  • Reduce your use of social media.
  • Do what you are really interested in and stick to it.
  • Always ask yourself, is this what you want to do or do it for others to see.

Another flaw is that I don’t actually express my love for my loved ones around me. This should be the influence of the family environment on me. After marriage, the wife’s contribution has aggravated the “illness”. My mother and her sisters have very similar personalities. Their favorite thing to do is to suddenly put a few hundred dollars in a corner of your house when visiting relatives during the New Year and holidays, and tell you after she leaves. This is very similar to my grandmother. I stood beside her when the old man left. After she took her last breath, my uncle helped her lead a thin wire to the door…

My wife quarreled with me, accusing me of being cold-hearted, not understanding romance, not taking care of her emotions, and not covering my stone heart for ten years. I think that our love period was actually spent in different places, and the love was accompanied by suspicion and uncertainty. We stumbled and finally settled in Chongqing. It’s not that you don’t love, the way of love is not recognized by the other party. What she wants is freshness, but what I give is stability.

I’m still thinking, where is my career in this life?

I can’t learn the guitar if I don’t have a perfect pentatonic tone, so the talent route should be out of the question; I have started writing code one after another for many years, but I can only use Markdown to write blogs, artificial intelligence cloud computing and other industries are not good; the new media Internet is very slippery to use, but it is easy to do. No direction. Do you have leadership skills? Do you have human resources?

So, what is the destiny of ordinary people?

I came here for a run, so I won’t write about it. Running and sweating, think back. When running, I just need to adjust my breathing and stride, and just take a big stride.

Photo by Christina Deravedisian on Unsplash .

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