What do you think of “humanity”?

An ordinary classmate suddenly invites you to dinner,

Received an unexpected gift on holiday,

When you are in trouble, someone helps you a lot,

…

How do you feel at these times? Are you happy and grateful? Still feel that there is no free lunch in the world, and I must find a chance to return this favor?

Unprovoked favors are always well deserved. We might rather do a little more ourselves than ask for help, because the debt of favor is so hard to pay. There is nothing wrong with this feeling, and “accepting favors” is indeed a risky thing for us.

Accepting favors may put you at a natural disadvantage

In our impression, “reciprocity” may mean equality in giving and receiving, but in fact, in terms of social recognition, reciprocity is not equal to both parties. If we want to return our favor, we often need to pay a higher price .

A series of experiments have proved the existence of this phenomenon.

In the virtual economic game game, player A (as the initiator of prosocial behavior set in the experiment) will first give player B a dollar bonus , and in the second round of the game, player B (as the pro-social behavior set in the experiment) Social Behavior Recipient) will reward Player A with a $1 bonus . After witnessing this process, the subjects gave player A a higher rating, that is, more appreciation and respect for player A , even though player B gave the same degree of return [1].

What if we made Player B return a little more?

In the second experiment, Player B would reward A with a $1.50 bonus , but even so, the subjects still rated Player A higher. Even when the experimental conditions were changed to two rounds and player B was the initiator of the next round of prosocial behavior, the subjects still thought that player A was more worthy of admiration [1].

And the researchers found that the subjects made such a judgment because player B’s feedback behavior was considered an obligation, and it was forced to do so out of anxiety, guilt and other emotions , while player A actively and generously stepped forward. The first step in prosocial behavior .

From this, it can be seen that human favor is indeed not something that can be easily repaid. So what if we simply choose not to reciprocate favors?

Some situational experiments revealed the answer: choosing not to respond to prosocial behaviors (such as a coworker buying a cake on your birthday) compared to choosing not to initiate prosocial behaviors (such as a coworker not giving you cake on your birthday) to you, and you don’t return the cake when your colleague has a birthday) will be subject to a more severe moral penalty [1].

So is there any way to mitigate this difference in status evaluation?

The researchers found that when the responders responded indirectly or anonymously , their actions were more likely to be perceived as voluntary rather than obligatory, and were rated better for it than for direct feedback.

Try to imagine a scenario where a person walks into a coffee shop and is told that his coffee has been paid for by the previous customer and is therefore free. Next, he can have two reactions, A: expressing gratitude and willingness to pay for the coffee the next time the kind customer comes (ie direct exchange); B: expressing gratitude and the desire to pass on love, for the next One customer pays for coffee (ie, indirect exchange). Which behavior would you consider more generous and respectable?

In experiments, most observers rated the rewarder’s indirect exchange behavior higher than the direct exchange behavior, although it still fell short of the evaluation obtained by prosocial behavior initiators [1].

In conclusion, accepting favors does have some negative consequences. When comparing initiators of prosocial behaviors to those who responded to the same prosocial behaviors, people rated the initiators higher, and those who chose not to respond to prosocial behaviors were subject to greater moral penalties.

So, are there any cultural differences in this phenomenon? Will it be more obvious in the eastern society that emphasizes “the grace of dripping water should be reciprocated by the spring”?

The difference between collectivism and individualism

//1. Culture and Self-Concept

Cultural psychology research shows that people in different cultures hold different beliefs about the self and the relationship between the self and others .

In an individualistic culture, people will uphold an independent self-concept, think about themselves in a way that is independent of others, and take more account of their personal thoughts and preferences when acting. This self-concept can influence perceptions of relationships, and people in individualistic cultures tend to view relationships as freely chosen and with relatively few obligations.

In collectivist cultures, people have an interdependent self-concept, that is, the self is interdependent with others. In this self-concept, social relationships and group solidarity are more important than individual needs, and relationships imply a greater sense of responsibility [2].

//2. How do people in different cultural backgrounds see it

This difference in cultural background and self-concept affects how people in different cultures view and respond to “human feelings”—people in collectivist cultures are more difficult to accept others’ favors .

Research has shown that Asians are more likely than North Americans to reject a small gift from an ordinary acquaintance . Asians tend to consider their relationships with others when accepting gifts, and they reject gifts to avoid feeling indebted if they can’t reciprocate. North Americans are more likely to accept gifts based on their attractiveness, regardless of their own obligation to reciprocate. However, this cultural difference was not as pronounced when the gifts came from close friends [3].

In collectivist cultures, people tend to attribute gift-giving behavior to extrinsic motives and situations , such as thinking that the gift-giver is giving gifts to enhance their reputation. In individualistic cultures, people tend to attribute gift-giving behavior to internal motivations and personalities , such as the gift-giver giving gifts to make the recipient happy[3][4]. So if people perceive a gift as being motivated by self-interest rather than a sincere desire to benefit themselves, their level of gratitude is also greatly reduced.

Anna, a graduate student, was collecting dissertation data in the field, and a local couple invited her to live in their home, rent-free. Ana, who lived here for 5 months, expressed her gratitude by helping the couple do their business online and putting a lot of time and effort into it.

Five years later, the couple contacted Anna because they were planning to move to the city next door to Anna, hoping that Anna would stay for a few days to help them receive furniture. If you were Anna, would you agree to the couple’s request?

In this context, people in collectivist cultures are more likely to agree to requests. This is because, after accepting favors, people in collectivist culture will also have a stronger “sense of debt” .

When a person receives help, he often immediately feels an obligation to give back to the other person. And cross-cultural research shows that this sense of obligation in Americans disappears after giving the other party something in return , while this sense of obligation in Indians remains the same for a long time even after repaying the other party [5] ].

And in a collectivist culture, people would consider it preferable and more humane to take on a debt of gratitude for a period of time than to pay it back immediately [6].

How do we deal with “humanity”

Our fears of indebtedness are not unreasonable, and have wider cultural roots. So should we refuse help from others? How can we better deal with the burden of human relationships?

If you want to help others but are worried about putting pressure on them, you might try to offer implicit social support , such as making the other person aware of your existence and giving broader psychological support without discussing specific issues.

A study on cultural and social support shows that Asians are less willing than Americans to seek help during stressful events and benefit less from explicit social support, but can benefit psychologically and physically due to implicit social support [7].

If you are overwhelmed by the issue of favors and rewards and are afraid of accepting favors, then you can change your perspective and see favors as a source of pro-social motivation, a source of Reason for helping others .

The experiments mentioned above demonstrate that when the reward is not directly given to the helper, or when the reward is not motivated by the fulfillment of an obligation, people give a higher status rating to the rewarder. Perhaps it is in the cycle of prosocial behavior that people build stronger bonds.

postscript

On the basis of the existing research results, Xuetangjun can’t help but wonder, when the traditional society with strict differential structure gradually disappears, the western education and culture gradually become popular, the market mechanism and the establishment of modern management rules, how to respond to “social relations” Will they fade away in the Chinese social context just as they have faded from Western societies?

Do you think modern Chinese society still needs “human affection”?

Author丨Sugar Rabbit

Edit｜ @Hard candy sour plum

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references

[1] Flynn, FJ, & Yu, A. (2021). Better to give than reciprocate? Status and reciprocity in prosocial exchange. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 121(1), 115.
[2] Markus, HR, & Kitayama, S. (1991). Culture and the self: Implications for cognition, emotion, and motivation. Psychological review, 98(2), 224.
[3] Shen, H., Wan, F., & Wyer Jr, RS (2011). Cross-cultural differences in the refusal to accept a small gift: the differential influence of reciprocity norms on Asians and North Americans. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100(2), 271.
[4] Park, SY (1998). A comparison of Korean and American gift-giving behaviors. Psychology & Marketing, 15(6), 577-593.
[5] Goyal, N., & Miller, JG (2018). The importance of timing in reciprocity: An investigation of reciprocity norms among Indians and Americans. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 49(3), 381-403.
[6] Blau, PM (2017). Exchange and power in social life. Routledge.
[7] Taylor, SE, Welch, WT, Kim, HS, & Sherman, DK (2007). Cultural differences in the impact of social support on psychological and biological stress responses. Psychological Science, 18(9), 831-837.

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Author: Jingshi University of Psychology

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