Original link: https://codechina.org/2022/06/xiaozhang/
Xiao Zhang felt that his life was a failure. He lives alone in a small apartment, and every day he comes home from get off work, he can’t get enough energy. Clothes are piled up in a pile, too lazy to wash, and the floor of the house is dirty and there are clutter everywhere, too lazy to clean up. Just order some takeout for dinner. Sometimes I don’t take a shower for a few days, just change my clothes.
In fact, if it’s just sloppy or lazy, he doesn’t think it’s a problem. He felt that he was not lazy, but that he couldn’t do anything. He said, I have been a good student with excellent academic performance since I was a child. I go to bed early and get up early, never arrive late or leave early, I have excellent grades, everyone in the school likes me, and I dress clean and tidy.
However, after going to work, I went to another city, and at first I knew how to clean up. Then gave up completely. Because his parents have cleanliness obsessions, the home is very neat, and he was taught to be neat and tidy since he was a child, and there are many rules. Lived by myself for a while and felt very happy. In the past, his parents would wake him up a few minutes earlier, and the alarm clock he bought was never used. After I moved out, I woke up when I wanted to, and I was often late.
However, he was puzzled that he felt it was a kind of freedom at first. Later, he began to wonder why I finally escaped from my parents and moved to another city. I was free, but I still felt a sense of frustration. On the one hand, he felt that his parents were too strict, and he was very happy to have his own life away from his parents.
On the other hand, he feels that the current living situation is very uncomfortable, and it is easy to find things in a mess at home. There is a jacket that I like very much, and I haven’t worn it for a long time. Suddenly I remembered it one day. I turned it over and found that it fell under the bed at some point, and there were still footprints on it.
I am often late, and I didn’t feel anything at first, but later I found that the leader obviously prefers several other colleagues who came in at the same time. Compared with him, people are nothing more than never being late.
The takeaway was very refreshing at the beginning, and I even ate a lot of delicious restaurants around me that I haven’t been to. But gradually I ate more, and found that the restaurants around me that I could deliver to were just the ones that were okay. Ordering takeout every day is a difficult disease of choice. Eat a dry pot of cauliflower, it’s not good, I’ve been eating it for several days. Let’s have a spicy soup. That store used to be very good, but the last time it was delivered, more than half of the soup was sprinkled. When I took it out, I got a hand of oil and soiled the white shirt I just wore. Some restaurants often order because they think it is delicious at first, but if you order too much, you will be hurt, and you will never want to eat that restaurant’s food again.
But it’s too troublesome to start a meal by yourself. Several pots in the kitchen have not been washed, and the dishes and chopsticks are also piled up in the sink. Going out to dinner doesn’t feel very comfortable because I’m alone. Watching other people kiss me, I always feel like I’m the only light bulb in the restaurant.
The whole big city is bright and brightly lit during the day, the men in the office are dressed in neat suits, and the women are exquisite and beautiful. However, when I returned to my rented house at night, it was small and cramped, and there were all kinds of smells and clutter, which brought a lot of depression and emotions.
One day, he began to reflect on why I came to this big city at that time.
If I stay in my hometown, according to what my mother said on the last phone call, Xiaojia has already given birth to a second child. The house was bought by the wife’s family, except for the down payment and the car. And their parents kept asking him if he wanted to buy a house in a big city. But the smallest down payment is also a huge sum for his family. He just came to work in a big city, and the threshold for settling down is still very high. It seems that it takes longer than immigrating, and the requirements are even higher.
I want to make a career, but I am only a low-level employee and have no right to speak in the company. There is no sense of accomplishment in what I do, and the company is okay, but the things I do every day are simple and repetitive. Sometimes he thinks that what I do will one day be replaced by a computer. Or be replaced by a robot, the robot that replaces me does not need to be an advanced model.
I don’t know how to talk about love. When I was in college, Xiao Zhang was quite popular. He met his ex-girlfriend a few weeks after taking the big class. A very good-looking and gentle southern woman. When they were in college, they fell in love very sweetly. They went to the cafeteria to eat together, went to the library to study together, went to the movies together, and went shopping together. But when it came time to graduate, Zhang’s goal was a big city, and her goal was another big city. Then, after a short-lived long-distance relationship, where planes and trains cost a fortune, they broke up. The girl found a new boyfriend in her company, and Xiao Zhang was dumped.
For a while he was sluggish every day, and sometimes he would cry at home. But then I still figured out that I couldn’t give up the job I found in this big city and the future of my dreams. It can’t give the girl enough commitment and material needs, so it is inevitable for the two to break up. But when I figured it out, I was lost.
He neither wanted to be a bachelor, nor did he want to be too easy.
The last time I went back to my hometown to see my parents, the neighbor’s aunt introduced a girl and asked him to go on a blind date. When people meet, they ask, where do you work, how big a house do you buy, do you have a car, and how much dowry you can give when you get married. He also wanted to say whether to talk about hobbies, talk about literature, get in touch with feelings and talk about these just-needed things. I didn’t expect the other party to come up to ask so directly, and he was speechless for a while. It took me a long time to say that I don’t have any of these. The girl is simple, oh, so good, we’ll see you later and leave. He felt like a stinky fish in a fish stall being rejected by customers…
But, to be honest, he didn’t have time to see what the girl looked like. It doesn’t feel like a country. He wants to be in college, will I go after such a girl? Probably not. I wouldn’t be so picky. However, the girl basically rejected him without talking to him, leaving him in an identity crisis for a long time. I recited so many poems in school, I learned to play the guitar, and I was surging in college. It turned out that I was a Male left. Later, when he left his hometown, he repeatedly told his mother not to arrange any blind dates in the future. In fact, his mother lost her interest. She always felt that she was a good family in the local area. She didn’t expect her son to be slashed to the ground as soon as he went to the battlefield of the blind date.
Later, he began to focus on the company. However, in the company, let alone beautiful women, even a girl who felt okay to him would be surrounded by a group of people. He hadn’t noticed before, only to find out later that the company’s male-to-female ratio was lower than the 7:1 ratio at the university he attended at the time. The only female colleagues are still concentrated in the administration department, the finance department, and a few elder sisters who can play soy sauce with children. The single female colleagues are basically surrounded by the bachelors in the company. He had no chance at all.
But he has no social life at all, basically two o’clock and one line, work and get off work, company and home.
later……
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