a cycle

Original link: https://blog.vzchn.com/a-cycle/

When I was eating at noon, I suddenly remembered that my son pointed at the person in the photo a few days ago and asked: Who is this? He was referring to my father. The last time my father came to my house was last winter, before the Spring Festival. Because he didn’t spend much time with me, he always left quickly, so my son didn’t remember who he was so soon.

Father’s departure is always quiet. Sometimes they leave silently after a big quarrel; sometimes they leave alone after an agreed time. The last time I left was a train ticket after two o’clock in the afternoon. I went back at noon and wanted to send him off. When I got home and asked him, he said he had arrived at the train station. I always think that he should feel lonely and lonely when he leaves. The departure of my mother is always full of emotion, expressing my remorse for me and my son, as if we would endure hardship without her. Whenever this happens, my heart softens, but I immediately decide that I can’t leave, because although she seems to be in a good mood, in fact, she is the most painful for me here.

When I was young, I lived on a hillside, and my grandparents’ house was on another hillside opposite. The distance between the two is only a few hundred meters, but I rarely go to my grandparents’ house. My mother seems to have a lot of hatred with my grandma. Except for the New Year, I usually don’t go there. At least I don’t remember going there during normal times, so there is no family relationship between me and my grandparents. At the time I didn’t understand why there was so much hatred, and I don’t understand it now. It seems that the contradiction between mother and grandma is not the same as the contradiction between us and mother. But the result is the same.

Sometimes I get angry because of my family. It’s too irresponsible for my father to not come to help me take care of the child; why can’t my mother be reasonable, why is the desire for control so strong? But from another point of view, parents do not necessarily have to help their children with children, so they are relieved, and at most there are some unwillingness.

My father doesn’t usually go to my grandmother’s house. On the day my grandmother died, he texted me, “Daddy has no mommy”. I replied “the common sense of life, old age, sickness and death”, which seemed too cold-blooded. Yesterday my son asked, “Why isn’t grandma coming back?” I don’t know how to answer him. It seems that he will also face the difficulties and confusions I had when I was a child. Maybe this is a cycle.

This article is reprinted from: https://blog.vzchn.com/a-cycle/
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