What can I help, what can’t I help?

Text/Song Shinan

Wang Pei complained: “In a mature commercial society, if a service can be purchased with money, try not to try to get it from friends for free! I was once called by a friend of a friend to take a 35-kilogram box of books from Carried from the fifth floor to the first floor. If I hire a migrant worker brother to do this, it will not only provide him with food to eat, but also save my old waist from strain.” It resonated strongly with me, but I carried it from the first floor to the sixth floor.

Helping to carry things is just a small incident, and Pei’s mother has more tragic encounters. A friend of a friend left Hangzhou and insisted on putting five large boxes in Peima’s rental house, and they didn’t keep them for too long. The initial estimate was four years. Pei’s mother thought for a long time, and finally plucked up the courage to call that friend’s friend and told him that he had found a logistics company for him. It only cost 550 yuan from Hangzhou to his hometown in Xi’an. On the phone, a friend of a friend was quite annoyed and reluctant, saying: “Why are you doing this? I’ll be back.” I’ll be back——this buddy has watched too many Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. I’ll fuck * when you are back. – Pei Ma still refused. This buddy finally put down a cruel sentence: “Just don’t let you go there, I will let the classmates dormitory go.” Oh cake, which classmate is so unlucky?

I’ve had plenty of similar encounters with what I call dog day help, or dog day help.

Someone once asked me to write an academic paper as a volunteer (of course I would not write it if it was not a duty). When I refused, he even asked me to help him find a gunner to write it. I said you can check online yourself, there are so many Gunners websites, but be careful not to go to the Arsenal fans forum. The other party actually said, if you don’t help me at all, your baby is not honest.

Some people asked me to translate tens of thousands of bad texts for free. I said you should go to a translation company or a teacher majoring in foreign languages. He said, then I don’t want to give money?

In addition, a large number of people are looking for jobs, changing jobs or changing mothers-in-law, and need new resumes. These grandsons still insist on the entire bilingual resume. In the end, they found me again and asked my beloved wife, Teacher Liu, to “help me out”. Damn, don’t pretend to be poor in English, I’ll get you a radiant English resume, you’re still a suburban fruit farmer at heart. Suburban fruit farmers, don’t be angry, I know there are some of you who are good at English, so I’m just saying it in passing.

Others asked me to help buy fake diplomas. I said, I was guest teaching at the university, but not in this business. He said, you know a lot of people and you have a lot of connections, so just do one for you. But no matter how many people I know, there are not as many small notes posted everywhere on the street-“Agent for diplomas, you can check them online, and call ****”.

The most annoying thing is that there are still many people asking me to write internal speeches for agencies or companies. Damn, I am not Secretary Song or Comrade Li. Why don’t they find a combined copy of “Speech and Eloquence” to study? Or do an online search for “The Encyclopedia of Motivational Speeches”?

All these grandchildren were rejected by me fiercely.

The strange thing is that when I refuse them, they often show expressions of disbelief, and look at me with resentful eyes, “How could this be?” It seems that they want to squeeze the blood under my fur. Someone even posted an article saying that everyone said that Song Shinan was loyal and talkative, so he was this kind of person! How self-restraint do I have to be so I don’t post and say “what kind of person is this paralyzed person”?

Fortunately, my computer skills are average, otherwise people will definitely come to me to repair computers. I have a friend who used to be in the Sichuan Provincial Academy of Social Sciences and has good computer skills. I nicknamed him “Responsive to Request”. How to say? During his three years in the Provincial Academy of Social Sciences, he has worked for at least a hundred people, solving various computer problems for various colleagues, some of them were poisoned while watching porn, some were forcibly shut down when they were restoring with one button, and some of them were flooded with water. The burnt one…he can’t fix it every time, and he has to tell people, sorry, it didn’t fix it, and I caused you trouble. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore, and carried a business card with him, the business card of a computer repair company. Whenever someone asked for it, he would take out the business card and ask someone to call the number on it. As a result, he was widely criticized internally, saying that he was famous for repairing computers, so he just took airs! There was no way he could survive this day, so he had to leave his hometown and go to the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences. There, he told everyone that he was a computer novice, the kind who would not change the mouse if it was broken.

I checked carefully, and the real good brothers actually seldom ask me for services that can be bought with money. Those who do so are usually acquaintances or friends of friends. It seems that the only hobby of this species called “Acquaintance” is to use you as the legendary Lei Feng. Brother will not be like this, brother will think of you and take the knife for you.

Fundamentally speaking, asking for help is a remnant of rural society. At that time, business was underdeveloped, everyone helped each other, favors are actually a kind of soft investment – today you help me catch a big rooster running around, and tomorrow your wife runs around, I will help you catch it too . But the times are different. Today, when most services can be purchased with money, doing so can only be said to be greedy or selfish.

Many people don’t understand why I go crazy when they ask me for help with writing internal speeches. They think, don’t I ask you for help because I think highly of you? And you do this very quickly, you can write it in half an hour, and I will write it for half a day. However, they never want to think that time is also a sacred and inviolable private property of human beings, and for me, it is one of the most important private properties. Why do you think your half day is more precious than mine? Yes, I’m talented, but why should I lend it to you? Gates is so rich, why don’t you go to him to borrow some money and get that riverside villa you’ve always wanted to buy, the ultimate enjoyment? Oh, you have to say, I don’t know Gates. So, why do you think you can ask me to use your talents to occupy my time just because you know me?

This kind of borrowing is often not repaid. Growing up, I seldom asked for help. I didn’t want to be in debt, and I didn’t know how to ask. This is very much influenced by my dad. So I don’t understand why there are so many people who are justifiably owed, and then patted the shoulder of the person who helped them with a smile: “Thank you”, and never communicate with each other.

A line from Song Siming in “Snail House” can partly explain why some people always owe love with confidence. He said: “Relationship is a thing, you have to move it constantly. The more you move, the more you will be confused, and the more you will be rotten in the pot. If you can always distinguish between you and me, you will be born.” Every time, you have to spend time to settle it. What you want is to owe frequently. If you owe too much, you don’t have to worry about it. He will do one for you, or ten. If your head hurts, then you win.”

Going a little farther, back to the main topic, whether it is a society of helping people or a society of human relations, they are all a kind of social state before modern civilization. Modern civilized society pays attention to the contract, which is unambiguous, black and white, and a clear definition of rights and obligations. As Fei Xiaotong said: “A contract refers to an agreement made between strangers. When making a contract, each person has the freedom of choice. In the process of contracting, there is credit on the one hand and law on the other. The law requires a consent.” The power to support. The completion of the contract is the liquidation of rights and obligations, which requires precise calculations, appropriate units, and reliable media. Here is calm consideration, not emotion, so rationality dominates people’s activities—all of which are modern The characteristics of the society are exactly what the rural society lacks.”

Someone might say that a contract is not an agreement made among strangers? Acquaintances still do these things, how intimidating. Sorry, in front of the contract, acquaintances are also strangers. This is also the difference between what Fei Xiaotong called the “different order pattern” of Chinese rural society and the “group pattern” of modern society. Individualism is reflected in the group structure, while egoism exists in the differential structure. In other words, the contract society under the group structure pursues the rational communication of freedom, equality, and trustworthiness between individuals, while the rural society under the differential order structure pursues self-centered and based on geography, blood, love, etc. Relationships.

Actually, I figured this out by accident. When I was a teenager, I often helped others take the English test for CET-4. The first two times were purely helping, and it was annoying to help. There was a proxy test, and the composition topic was “Learn to say no when you need to say no”. Since then, I have taken the CET-4 test for several times, but it is no longer a help, but a transaction. This is a small stain in my life. However, compared to being an obligatory shooter, I think being a shooter for a fee is equally disgraceful, but a little more civilized.

Zuo An Ji: These 6 things, don’t help easily: 1. Don’t help when others just ask you casually; 2. If others don’t sincerely ask you to help, don’t help; Don’t help when you arrive; 4. Don’t help when you borrow money from others; 5. Don’t help with emotional problems; 6. Don’t help for costly things.

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